#i just. idk i like writing scenes where the trauma is still there and hurts

[thetomorrowshow]

fighting back

Empires Superpowers au masterlist

this takes place about 4 months after the end of ‘poisoned rats’.

cw: food, flashbacks/panic attacks in a public place

~

“Here’s your menus, can I get you both something to drink?”

“Diet Pepsi, please,” Scott says, raising an eyebrow at Jimmy, who manages a stuttered, “Water, thank you.”

Scott nudges him after the waiter leaves. “Boring.” “Caffeine used to really screw with my powers,” Jimmy admits. “I haven’t had any in a long while, but I used to drink a bunch of Mountain Dew, and coffee every morning. Stopped when I was around twenty-three, I think.”

Scott leaves it at that, instead asking, “So you’ve never been to a restaurant before?”

“When I was a kid my parents would take Lizzie and me to, like, buffet places,” Jimmy shrugs. “But then my mom got really sick at one, and going out as a family to someplace nice was too expensive. So we got fast food drive-throughs on road trips or for celebrations, but not much else.”

“Criminal. What do you want to order?”

Jimmy thumbs through the plastic menu, biting his lip. “Um. Not sure. Do I have to get from—”

“Here are your drinks,” the waiter interrupts, placing a tall glass of soda in front of Scott and a matching one in front of Jimmy. “I’ll be back in a few minutes for your order!”

“Thanks so much,” Scott says, Jimmy echoing him. He takes a sip of the water, ice clacking against his teeth.

It’s not a fancy restaurant, by any means. It’s a diner in a cheap part of town, a place that Scott had said has the best fries and milkshakes and had gotten very excited when Jimmy had said he’d never really been out to eat before. Jimmy’s fairly sure that Scott’s made a list of places to eat, to go along with all the sights Jimmy’s never seen and the foods Jimmy’s never tried.

There’s a decent crowd of people here, too, which is why Jimmy’s more put-out than anything else when he feels a hand run through his hair.

He jumps a little, glances around to make sure nobody is near him. Scott glances up at him, then back to the menu.

“I’m gonna get the roast beef sliders. Anything sound good to you?”

No flashbacks sounds good to him, but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen, phantom fingers curling around his hair. He turns his eyes back to the menu, stares at it uncomprehendingly for a few moments. “Um, you pick,” he says, pushing the menu to Scott. “What’s good here?”

“Ooh, definitely the reuben if you like rye, but the turkey and swiss is always a safe choice. Good?”

“Mhm, sounds fine,” Jimmy mumbles. He tries to grab hold onto anything Scott had told him about the food here through the brain fog of flashbacks. “Uh, you said the fries are good?”

“Ooh yes, I’ll get us both fries and milkshakes. What flavor of milkshake?”

Jimmy can’t remember any ice cream flavor ever, suddenly. He checks the menu, picks the first thing he sees. “Vanilla?”

“Sure! I’ll match.”

As casually as he can manage, Jimmy slips an ice cube out of his glass, cradles it in the palm of his hand. It’s supposed to ground him, remind his body that he’s in the present. The hand in his hair stubbornly remains.

He holds onto the ice cube until it melts, dribbling water in a small pool on the table. It doesn’t do anything but make his hand burn with the cold.

He blinks rapidly, twitches his head several times to try and shake the hand away. His trained instincts are starting to settle in, his body going still. If he moves his head, he might get slapped.

“Everything okay?”

Jimmy smiles easily, brightly, in Scott’s direction. His boyfriend is giving him a concerned look, hand out for Jimmy to take. Jimmy takes it.

“I’m fine, babe. Just got a little lost in thought!”

The acting skills from that one role as Cod Number 3 in Empires South Middle School’s production of The Little Mermaid Jr are really paying off.

Scott’s face eases, just as he looks up to see the waiter approaching them. Jimmy orders with no issue, watches the very pretty way Scott’s eyes scrunch up as he pretends to examine the menu one last time before ordering.

That doesn’t get the hand out of his hair, though. Maybe he should buzz it. Shave his head. Nothing for phantom hands to touch.

The hand trails down to rub his shoulders and Jimmy knows that wouldn’t solve the problem.

The food arrives and Jimmy releases Scott’s hand to watch him for cues, not trusting his unstable mind to do things in the right order. Scott unwraps his silverware so Jimmy does so as well; Scott places his napkin on his lap and Jimmy follows suit.

Scott seems to enjoy his food, and Jimmy understands that his tastes good as well but it’s hard to process. Everything is hard to process. It’s too bright in here, too loud. A family with three shouting kids passes by and Jimmy can’t help but flinch away, a movement that he tries to suavely change into wrapping his arm around Scott’s shoulders.

Scott scoffs at him, wriggles out from under and gives him a quick peck on the lips. “How’s your food?”

“Good,” Jimmy responds automatically, taking another bite. The hand pulls hard enough on his hair that his head jerks back and he freezes, biting his lip. He’s not going to cry here. He just wants to enjoy a nice meal with his boyfriend. Why can’t he just have a good time?

“Scott, love?” Jimmy manages, the slightest tremble making its way into his voice. He gathers his courage before he’s too anxious to ask. “Could—could you touch my hair?”

Scott goes still. After a moment, he slowly turns to give him a concerned look. “Jimmy, your hair is off-limits. We set that boundary in place ages ago.”

Great, now Scott probably thinks something ridiculous, like he misses the feeling of horrible hands touching his hair. He doesn’t, he doesn’t at all—in fact, he’s so nervous about Scott touching him that he can feel himself begin to shake. He just needs a little push.

“I just—I—” he takes a calming breath, places his clenched hands on the table, “there’s—there’s a hand. In my hair. And I—I want a real one. So I can tell the difference.”

Scott’s eyes flick up, and Jimmy watches as his face morphs from confusion to understanding, then sorrow. “Oh, Jimmy. I’m sorry that’s happening.”

“Yeah, me too,” Jimmy grits out as the ghost hand yanks again. “The ice trick didn’t work, eating didn’t help, it started almost as soon as we got here and it just won’t go—”

“Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Scott says, glancing around as Jimmy pulls at his face. He’s fine, he’s not freaking out. It’s just a flashback, just a stupid flashback, and he’s fine. He’s not—he’s not—

“We can get to-go boxes, eat later,” Scott offers, already looking to wave down a waiter. “Really, it’s fine—”

“No, I want—” he wants to have a good time with Scott, he wants to eat, he wants Xornoth to stop touching him— “I want to be here, can you—can we at least try?” he begs, peeking at Scott through his fingers. “Can you try touching my hair?”

Scott glances around again, frowning. “Jimmy, I—” he sighs, bites his lip— “Jimmy, we set up months ago that if you’re clearly distressed and want me to touch your hair, I’m supposed to say no. And baby, you’re crying.”

And now he’s crying. Great. He grinds the heels of his hands into his eyes, takes in a shuddering breath. “I didn’t want—I wanted it to be good—”

He can hear the panic in Scott’s voice when he speaks. “Jimmy, do you know where you are right now?”

“The diner, with you, and so many people watching—” he cuts himself off, buries his face in his arms. There’s so many people here, all staring at him as he has a breakdown over a stupid flashback that he knows isn’t actually happening but just can’t shake.

“I’ll get some to-go boxes, okay? We’ll go home—”

“But I want to stay,” Jimmy insists, and he just knows he sounds like a petulant child. “I want to eat out with you, I want you to not have to worry about me freaking out over nothing! I love you so much, I just wanted today to be normal. . . .”

Scott’s silent for a while as Jimmy sniffles into his sleeves. At some point a waiter approaches, asks Scott lowly if everything’s all right.

“We’re fine . . . no, he’s got PTSD . . . thank you for your service too. . . .”

Scott waits until the waiter leaves, lays his head down on the table beside Jimmy. “Hey,” he says quietly. Jimmy blinks at him through the tears.

“I won’t be upset if we have to leave. I just want you to be safe and happy. You’re not a burden to me—I want to spend time with you, and it doesn’t matter where.”

Jimmy closes his eyes briefly as the phantom hand falls again to his back, rubbing lightly. “Can—can you rub my back?” he asks, voice small.

Scott immediately complies, and the feeling of something real—someone real—touching him where the hand was makes the phantom sensation drift away, off into the air like it had never happened. He relaxes into Scott’s arm as his breathing begins to even out, tension seeping out of him.

“Told you,” he grumbles, pressing his head into Scott’s chest. Scott being there, his head up against Scott’s firm and real body, makes all the difference. “‘S gone now. Just needed you.”

Scott’s hand, still rubbing his back, pauses. “I—oh,” he says softly, resuming the backrub. “I’m really . . . I’m really happy you trust me in that way. I’m really happy I can help you.”

“Sorry for making a scene.”

“You don’t need to apologize for a thing, love. Flashbacks are nothing to be embarrassed about.”

Jimmy’s embarrassed anyway, certain that there are still eyes on him. He sighs, rubs his eyes before reaching for his plate. “Can we still stay? I want to.”

Scott gives him a once over, frowns. “Okay, but on one condition: if another flashback starts at any time, we’re leaving. All right?”

It’s the right choice to make, and Jimmy nods his agreement.

He’s still not used to luck being in his favor, but he doesn’t have another flashback, and he finds he can push through the exhaustion and enjoy dinner with his boyfriend.

There may be flashbacks, and panic attacks, but really? Everything . . . everything’s okay. For the moment, he’s happy, and he knows that a flashback is a minor setback.

He leans against Scott’s shoulder, sucking on his milkshake, and lets out a contented sigh. Everything’s okay.

[queenie-ofthe-void]

I've seen a few secret admirer Steddies going around where Steve's the one giving the notes (which I LOVE! I feel like those aren't as common)

But I headcanon Steve as having the worst handwriting. Therefore, I present platonic partners in crime CheerKing (is that right? Idk)

~~~

Under no conditions would Steve ask Carol to write the notes. But he's always liked Chrissy, and she seems trustworthy.

They strike up a deal. Chrissy will dictate Steve's notes and drop them in Eddie's locker herself. In return, Steve has to act as her fake-boyfriend to keep Jason at bay.

Then SHENANIGANS! Eddie gets feelings for Admirer, he sees Chrissy slip a note in his locker after Hellfire one evening. He's never had someone crush on him before, and he's straight (cue internalized homophobia, childhood trauma, big feelings for Steve he can't process) so he tries to convince himself he likes her.

The only problem is she's dating King Steve. Eddie hates the guy, with his stupid shiny hair and his big brown eyes and his moles and his smile... why does he get all the girls? Chrissy's the first girl to ever like him and of course Mr. Dreamy is dating her. They're not even clingy like he was with Wheeler so he probably doesn't even like her that much, just sees her as a rebound.

Eddie actually replies to the notes, leaving them in the library books Admirer tells him to. Steve knows Eddie likes Admirer, the pieces of Steve he shares in the notes, and it's the only way Steve gets to talk to him and he lives for it. But instead of Eddie asking who Admirer is, Steve watches as Eddie starts flirting with Chrissy. Steve gets all hurt and jealous because he thought Eddie was gay but now he's unsure. Still, he can't give up getting Eddie's replies, so he keeps writing.

Does Chrissy play along to keep Steve's secret even though this guy is crushing on her? Chrissy really likes Eddie, but she likes him as a friend. She decides to not tell him he's mistaken, because she wants to keep getting invites to band practice at Gareth's so she can spend more time with their cute friend Jeff.

Let's make it even more complicated! Instead of Tammy Thompson, Robin has a crush on Chrissy and sees her slip a note into Munson's locker on her way out of band practice and decides she's going to tell Steve to take him down a peg and hopefully breaks up with Chrissy. They then have a bathroom scene: she's been watching Steve and Chrissy for months and tells him how it's fucked up that he follows Eddie around, stares at him across the cafeteria, etc (she's saying it's bc Steve's jealous / Steve thinks she's calling him out). So he confesses, and cries. She feels like an asshat so she comes out too. They're just two gay idiots in love with straight people (only one of them is wrong. Sorry Robin!! Idk how to fix that part).

Steve starts coming with Chrissy to Hellfire night. Steve's doing it for protection from Jason, who's getting increasingly angry about Chrissy and Eddie. Eddie thinks Steve's being nice because he's sizing him up, trying to insert himself in between him and Chrissy in some macho way.

It all comes to a head when Jason catches Chrissy hanging with Jeff in the library (she's told Jeff EVERYTHING and is picking up Eddie's last reply). Jason hears them talking about Eddie planning to ask Chrissy out and decides to follow Eddie out to the quarry after school. Robin saw Jason pull out behind him and runs to tell Steve before he starts practice.

Steve rushes out and saves Eddie, then brings him home to patch him up. Eddie's pissy about it, Steve thinks it's adorable but frustrating. Jeff and Chrissy stop by the trailer when Eddie misses practice.

Eddie confesses his feelings to Chrissy, but she's holding hands with Jeff. Steve's forced to admit he's Admirer, sending Eddie head first into a sexuality crisis. But it's happy ever after so it's all good.

We get platonic hellcheer, platonic kingcheer (??), platonic stobin, Jeff x Chrissy (corrodedcheer??), and Steddie.

Idk there's something here but I don't want to write it lol Too many POVs and through lines for a person who already has a million WIPs.

[simpingcorner]

WRECK MY PLANS ONE

Pairings: Rafe Cameron x OC!Isla McCewan; kook!king x pogue Chapter warnings:  asshole kooks, English isn’t my first language, trauma(?), kids (idk my friends told me to put it as a tw), swear words, not proofread, let me know if I missed something. WC: 1.456 Disclaimer: All characters are aged up cus I don’t feel comfortable writing about teenagers romance and there’s some really strong themes on here.

All her life she’s known never to cross the big names of the island and all her life she’s been in the shadow, working her ass off everyday since she was a kid, never giving those big names any reason to know of her and, especially, never giving them any reason to get mad at her and have her as their rage target.

The air was different here than in the Cut, it felt better, lighter, it smelled like sea and home cooked meals, which wasn’t all that new but the lack of weed, gasoline and nicotine sure helped the fantasies that this was her life, this was where she lived, who she was and the three young kids running and laughing around her in the backyard filled her heart more than anything ever had before.

It’ll happen, you’ll have the life you deserve, just a few more months and you’re gonna be out of here, never looking back and never having to worry about any of them ever again. Those were the thoughts that lived rent free in her head, dreams and fantasies she deep down knew would never become reality, but what’s the hurt in imagining?

“Isla! Isla! Look what we can do.” The little dark haired boy giggled pushing his sister on the swing giving her the feeling of flying out and about in the sky, “Wow. You know if you push her even faster she might fly over to Bermudas.” She replied smiling at the kids, “I wanna go to Bermudas.” said the girl pouting. “I know you do Luce, mama will take you there one day. I promise.” “I’ll plan everything, and we go for Christmas what you say Luce?” shouted a voice from inside the house, “Gotta ask first Jamesie, you know we can’t just up and go to Bermudas.” “As if they could ever tell her no, come on Is, it’d be vacation for you too, not like mum can’t do it alone.” “What can’t I do alone, James?” the calming voice of Emily Lighthouse came sudden like a rainstorm in the fall to her ears, “Luce wants to go to the Bermudas…” explained the oldest, “And do you know what the Bermudas are baby?” asked the woman picking the still pouting little girl up from the swing. Isla hang back a few moments watching the older woman walk inside followed by her two loving boys, her heart hurt at the scene, her memory blank searching for a moment like that with her parents, a loving parent who’d go out their way to make sure she was safe. One day. As she walked in the house, she had now been working at for the past six years, she couldn’t help but let her eyes wonder around studying the luxury and money this side of the Island showed off like bread to birds. “Sweetheart I asked if you’d like to stay for dinner, I made way too much food for us four only.” Isla’s baby blue eyes widened at the woman’s words, not that it was unusual for her to spend the night at the house, there had been years when she spent more time there than at her own place, but something in her still warmed at the kind request, she knew the Lighthouses weren’t a normal Kook family, they were always nice to her, treating her basically like family, never ever doubting her even when the rest of Figure 8 would go out their way to make her the bad guy. “No, thank you. You enjoy it for me though. I actually have plans tonight.” The girl said quietly, “Well you’ll tell us all about your night another day then. But please take something home. And please be safe they say Agatha’s headed this way.” Isla’s cheeks warmed at the kind words of the rich woman in front of her, she reluctantly accepted the food, got her helmet and jacket and said her goodbyes before closing the door behind her and starting her walk out the neighbourhood.

“Going back to your tree house McCewan?” a deep, unfortunately too familiar voice said in the darkening sunset light, “Look, I’m just leaving, I don’t want any trouble.” said the girl with her head down and her eyes on the pavement, “Oh come on, not even a snarky comment? Where’s the Isla McCewan everyone’s always talking about?” “She’s tired and just wants to go home and sleeps, so can you let me pass.” “But where’s the fun in that then? You know you can always come to my place, it sure as fuck is safer than whatever shit hole you live in.” the brunette kook said walking way too close to the girl, finally caging her between him and the wall behind her, she knew she could have gotten out of there really easily, if there’s one good thing that came out of the Cut it’s knowing how to defend herself, but she was tired of having to defend herself and she knew no matter how bad things turned out to be it was always gonna be her fault, so she simply looked at him hoping he’d let her go with a sudden change of mind. What she didn’t expect was the Kook king to come up to them, “She’s not worth it Gold, trust me girls like her are not as fun as you’d think.” her eyes moved to meet Rafe Cameron’s dilated pupils and she knew he didn’t do it out of the good of his heart, the younger kook looked behind him and left them with a scoff, “One day McCewan, I assure you.” he said before going back in the garage he had came out of.

Isla picked her jacket, that had fallen off her grip and started making her way back to her bike, “Wow, not even a thank you. I knew you Pogues don’t have manners but that’s just low.” the older Kook said walking behind her, “Thank you your majesty Rafe Cameron I’ll make sure to offer you my biggest pig and cow to thank you properly.” she said not even looking behind at him, she simply couldn’t, she knew the rumors, she knew what was being said about him and she had promised herself never to go back there, not to that at least. “You really shouldn’t let that tongue run like that, you never know how people might react.” He said with a grip on her wrist, that wasn’t as tight as he’d wanted it to be, “Also you should really look at the person who’s talking to you, it’s very disrespectful not doing it.” she turned to him, his red eyes bored in her blue ones with something she had never been able to read, “Oh thank you Rafy, you’re my saviour I will never be able to thank you properly, please let me suck you off to show you how grateful I am.” Her words were laced with sarcasm and a poison he knew she only used for and with him, “Come on Cameron go back to your underground bunker and cuddle up on daddy’s lap, I’m sure he wouldn’t want his precious baby out here in such dangerous weather.” his jaw twitched and clenched for a second, “At least I have a dad who cares about me and my safety.” “Keep telling yourself that, maybe it’ll become true.” she said getting out of his grip and finally making it to her bike, once her helmet was on, visor down and the bike had started she let her mind wonder and her throat felt full of thorns as she left Figure 8, Rafe Cameron watching her from afar holding on that conversation.

The lights were out in the little black and grey shed she had to call home, she had left her bike at the Flores’ gate not to make a noise and not to be seen, she opened the door praying whatever god was watching that the house was empty, her heart and breathing the only noises in the house as she walked and closed the door behind her, the room was the same as she had left, mouldy black walls, broken pieces of a dresser and lamps were scattered on the floor, the broken and way too hard yoga mat and her baby blanket the only place where she could sleep. She laid on the mat pulling the blanket over her legs as she stared at the ceiling, a few of her old glow in the dark stars still stand between a mould stain and the other, she watched them, memories of her childhood came to mind as she fell asleep surrounded by the creaks and raindrops noises.

divider from @enchanthings

[bobbydagen24]

tbh I'm still Hoping Chef will be Brought back in the next film as it could be Hella emotional and also further explore some Good old fashioned Branch angst which the Trolls writers seem to love 😭😭

I know I've talked about this before but eh I wanna talk about it some more lol as I'm in love with the story potential of Chef coming back.

have fans Done any fics or fanart of the idea? idk I'll have to go check once I'm Done writing this post lol.

but yeah I Hope this does happen cause there's so much potential here for an emotional story involving Branch and his Bros coming face to face with her.

in the first movie its always struck me as a little Disappointing that Chef being the one who killed Branch's Grandmother was never mentioned in present day

I know logically neither Chef or Branch himself would Remember since Branch was only a little kid who saw her for a split second and for Chef it was just a normal day at work.

but from a writing standpoint I Do find it Disappointing more wasn't done with this in the first movie.

I feel her coming back in the next film could work especially well if it takes place not too much time after TBT so the film could still explore some left over issues in the family

plus some more Branch angst that the writers love showing lol.

I'd probably have the movie open with something like Branch his Brothers and Grandma all sat around having Dinner happily chatting away and whatnot only for a hand to come crashing in Grabbing Grandma away

as Branch can only Helplessly watch and then his Bros all start blaming him saying why wasn't he more carful and why did he let it happen

with Floyd especially telling him that he promised him he would take care of her and then the Brothers all walk out for good while Chef's laughter can be heard in the background and Branch is just sat on his own and he looks down at his hand and sees he's turning Grey.

and then Chef's Hand comes back in and Grabs him and he's screaming for help only to see there's no one around that cares and

Branch struggles to try and break free but its Hopeless and Chef just laughs and is about to put Branch in her mouth.

only for him to then wake up in his Bed in a panicked sweat and we see him telling himself to breath feeling his chest and trying to calm himself down

making it clear this is far from the first time this has happened and he already knows what to do in these situations.

FR I like the idea of the movie opening with an angsty nightmare scene for Branch showing his still lingering Trauma in present day.

Both over his perceived failure and guilt over what happened to Grandma not to mention his Brothers leaving again and of course a Fear of Chef herself

not only for killing Grandma but also how close she came to killing him in the first movie.

so opening the movie showing some still lingering Trauma that maybe he Refuses to open up to his Brothers about because he's afraid they may blame him for Grandma's death

like he did himself for all those years and maybe they'd leave again I feel would be neat way to start the film where Chef comes back imo.

especially if the whole movie or at the very least just the climax was about Poppy and the Brothers needing to save Branch

after he's captured maybe after a family argument and he goes off on his own only to get snatched by Chef.

as the whole family coming together to save him from Chef the source of his Greatest Trauma like come on that'd be emotional as Hell 😭😭😭😭

also I do just really wanna see Branch actually confront Chef over Grandma like maybe when he's captured he finally angrily confronts her over it only for Chef to casually Dismiss him

stating she doesn't Remember that day or her at all Hurting Branch at his core since that day obviously has stuck with him for his whole life and changed who he was

but for her it wasn't special it was just a Regular Tuesday.

and of course in the end it'd be satisfying and sweet to see Poppy and Brozone Rescuing Branch and maybe for Chef's comeuppance in the end

I kinda like the idea that Due to some chemicals or magic crap that she'd been messing around with as part of her Grander plan she ends up being shrunken down

to the point she's actually smaller than a Troll like lets say the size of Tiny Diamond so she's basically Rendered Harmless to the Trolls and she tries to attack the main characters

but Brozone just playfully pick her up and toss her back and fourth and in the end they just throw her in a cage with Branch somewhat smugly

Remarking something along the lines of him not being able to believe he was ever afraid of her

with Chef looking a little pissed off to say the least 😂😂😂😂

kinda well and truly confronting the source of his nightmares and feeling a little better about himself as a Result

and also I'd end the film with him finally sitting down with his Brothers and talking more about Grandma

as he finally feels more comfortable about opening up to them about these kinds of things now.

so yeah fingers crossed Chef comes back it wouldn't be too Hard to explain maybe she landed on the cooker inside the creature's Belly and used her knife kit to climb her way out or forced the creature to throw her up or something.

the why's and how's don't really matter too much to me I just think she'd be a perfect Returning Villain for a future film given the significance she has to Brozone as a family and Branch himself.

since she basically made him who he is.

also if Chef is Revealed to be alive in movie cannon then hey it'd be a perfect chance to Bring Creek back in movie cannon as well 😂😂😂😂

be it as a Villain or a Redeemed character who warns pop Village about Chef's plans after overhearing them

maybe he hid inside her Hair so he could hitch a Ride out of the mountain creature lol and afterwards he hides in their for a while and

overhears Chef recruit some henchmen maybe some Bergens who still believe in the old ways and want her to overthrow Gristle JR

and he hears her plans and after waiting for her to fall asleep he sneaks out and runs back to the Village tho he had no idea where they were so it takes him months and months to find his way back lol

which could be how our main characters find out she's alive and planning something and thus kicks off the whole story.

just an idea as Chef coming back does make it very easy to bring Creek back as well 😁😁😁😁

I was thinking that my only problem with this story idea is that it doesn't Really give much for Poppy in Terms of character Development in this story

but maybe if Creek did Return then Poppy's mini side arc could be her learning to give him another chance after being less than Receptive to him returning

and not wanting to give him another chance despite claiming he's sorry and clearly wanting a chance to make amends hence why he came to them with this info

but we see Poppy struggle more with her own ideals of believing people can change and giving out second chances when its someone who she was Emotionally Hurt by Personally

so yeah maybe that could be a mini arc for her if the film did bring Creek back as well.

what do you think about the idea of Chef and Creek Returning in future?

[deripmaver]

Casca Spits On Your Grave

I was gonna write up a whole long post about what I want Casca's ending to be, what I think is likely based on canon up to now and some of the themes Miura has developed, and look at some endings I've seen people discuss and give my thoughts on them - and then I got lazy LOL.

Plus I realized what I really wanted to discuss is just, as the title suggests, whether I want Casca to have her whole badass revenge arc where she takes out all of the demons and apostles who assaulted her and killed her friends one by one in a show of bloody vengeance, ending with her as Judith beheading Griffith's Holofernes, etc etc etc.

The short answer is yeah duh LOL. Casca goes from a brilliant and capable mercenary commander to a traumatized shell of a person who is terrified of all men, even the ones that she'd known and trusted prior to the Eclipse. In her dreamscape, the horror of what she faced is finally explicitly shown from her point of view - the penis monsters and the feelings of revulsion they produce in her little sprite indicating the terror of repeated assaults and attempted assaults. It's blunt to the point of being over the top but I mean... It gets the point across.

Then, of course, the climactic moment in the corridor of dreams where you see the eclipse rape literally through her eyes. It's incredibly rare to see rape scenes presented that way, in that first person POV, and going from that directly to the image of Casca shattering into pieces makes me tear up even to this day.

Side note lol I probably didn't need to describe the corridor of dreams chapters but I genuinely can't help myself, I love them so much.

In those chapters and the later ones where Casca has her PTSD flashbacks, she remembers all of the beloved memories of the people she loved and is made catatonic again when she remembers she lost them. The corridor of dreams makes it clear that it was Griffith's rape specifically that shattered her. Losing all of the Hawks, being betrayed by Griffith - of course she should get revenge on the monsters that did that to her. One by one she should destroy them, letting them taste just a fraction of what they put her through. Not to mention she was in her regressed state for so long I know I'm not the only one itching for her to fight again.

Here's the "but" though. Or maybe it's more of an "and" idk if any of y'all have done improv LMFAO. Yes and.

I think part of the appeal of rape revenge is that it gives the catharsis of seeing rapists punished violently in a world where they rarely face justice at all. However, what a lot of these movies miss, because this truth is far more uncomfortable and unpalatable, is that the scars of trauma remain even after vengeance is fulfilled. This is especially true if the perpetrator is someone the victim knew, as is the case for Casca. There's the focus on justice and catharsis and violent revenge because in a lot of ways it's easier to stomach that than it is to stomach the how utterly shattering it is to be betrayed so thoroughly.

It's uncomfortable to see Casca the commander reduced to Elaine. It's uncomfortable to see her helpless and terrified and reduced to trembling and sobbing in front of a reborn Griffith as the reader is reminded, just for a moment, of who did this to her. It's uncomfortable that even after her mind is restored that she can't even think of Griffith without going completely catatonic, that she grips Farnese's hand in terror as she sleeps because the trauma is still literal thorns around her heart, continuing to hurt her.

You know what? I think this is objectively good writing. There's no revenge. There's no becoming stronger. There's just grief and betrayal and Casca's broken heart. .........the fact that it took literally 20 years to restore her mind and that Miura included like half a dozen attempted rape scenes of her in her infantilized state is uh, not objectively good writing.

There's a fine line when it comes to writing rape trauma, though, and if Casca stays completely broken and unable to heal that starts leaning into the opposite end of harmful tropes. That's why I do think she should find the strength to fight back and get revenge for herself and her fallen comrades and kill Griffith. However, I can't help but think there's a desire for her to stop appearing so outwardly traumatized and start taking revenge because trauma is uncomfortable to read. Every moment she's on page she reminds you of how deeply Griffith betrayed her. At some point it becomes nearly unbearable.

Miura's grasp of writing trauma is kind of a mixed bag, but one thing he is clearly aware of is how its effects are lingering, and how it informs how someone interacts with the world. This is true in how he writes Guts in the Wounds chapter, and also how he writes Guts after the Eclipse regressing into violence and vengeance because of his trauma. Guts only begins his journey to process the trauma of the Eclipse when he reconnects with Rickert, and then later Casca, and then later accepts companions again. This leads me to believe that this lingering trauma response from Casca isn't an example of him not knowing how to write trauma, or women, but is a deliberate choice and not one I feel the need to critique.

Casca should become a fighter again, and she should start to genuinely heal and, as Miura said, face up to what Griffith and the demons did - but at the end of the day what happened to her is soul-crushing. She should also continue to show the lingering effects of it, and she should get to lean on the communities of women she's cultivated, and she should get to have moments where she's terrified and overwhelmed with trauma - no matter how uncomfortable it is to read. When it comes to depictions of rape and rape trauma, I genuinely think that will be on the whole more holistic than having her just getting revenge.

It'll be really satisfying seeing her kill some apostles though I'm ngl. Hopefully we'll get there eventually LOL

[oatmealdaydreams]

Violets & Shy Gladioli

I was going to write this a long while ago, but I forgot. Whoops. So yeah, here's the nerdy!Roman & skater!Virgil oneshot thingy. It's more of a crackfic/drabble. Not something very serious but still fun to write!

EDIT: whoops, not a drabble. It got plot now. This turned into something else, my bad. Hurt/comfort alert. If y'all want a part two or something, just put in an ask.

{@goldnskyart hey, hey you. Yes, you. I did a thing. I hope you like the thing.}

Prompt: here (from @goldnskyart)

Pairings: romantic Prinxiety, platonic Dukeceit, Creativitwins

Trigger/Content Warning: borderline stalking? (kind of??), sexual commentary, very brief mention of vague past trauma, bullying, panic attack, slur (twice very briefly; censored at my own discretion), brief dissociation, murder threats (towards the bullies)

Description: Virgil is a skater at the local skatepark. He notices he has a lil nerd watching him.

Extra: Human AU, Highschool AU; set in goldnskyart's Skateboards & Jam AU; idk romance works, so it'll be kind of bad. I've never written a kiss scene before, so prepare for sappy cringe.

[Masterlist] | ao3 link

[Read under the cut]

Roman is so unbelievably gay, like holy sh*t. Holy sh*t. He is so helpless.

Why must boys be so attractive?

At least, that's the reason he settles on as he watches a specific boy from behind a tree. It's at the local skatepark, where all the shakers and troublemakers tend to hang out. There are benches and a small playground nearby. The whole place is surrounded by oak trees and flowers. It almost feels like you're in another world there, but the sound of cars from the nearby road kind of ruins that.

It's very beautiful, oh indeed it is, and Roman is certain that the boy on his mind just makes it even prettier. Cause this skater boy is very pretty, and funny and kind- and oh, does Roman have it bad.

So yeah, there he is, watching the boy of his dreams from behind a tree near the skatepark.

No, it's not stalking- okay, it's close, but he promises that's not what it is. He's just nervous, okay? He's even tried talking to him at school, but it always ends with unintentional bickering and insulting jabs at each other. He hates how his nerves mess with his ability to function around boys. That, and the gay panic every time he sees him.

Virgil Cleome, a perfect array of purple jackets and snide smirks.

A skilled skater, by highschool standards. A baseball hat put on backwards in a cool fashion, a purple-patched jacket always on his shoulders, the one person who can wear eyeshadow under his eyes and make Roman fluster just from that. His eyes- oh, his eyes- are a heterochromic beauty. One dark green, the other something close to hazel or purple. Roman doesn't know if you could have a purple iris, but Virgil's is damn well close enough.

God, when he concentrates on something? When he's focused? Yeah, Roman could just die at that cute face he makes. The classic tongue-slightly-stuck-out. He also does this thing where he scrunches his nose up. Like, when he doesn't like something or when he's confused in a mocking kind of way. It's just- ugh. How dare he be so f*cking attractive and funny. And have you heard his laugh? Roman heard it once in passing, and he couldn't function for almost five gay minutes because of it. Like, holy hell. Jesus.

Like I said, Roman is helpless.

He feels like Eliza when he's around Virgil, and he wants him to be his Alexander.

So yeah. He's got it bad. He is entirely hopeless.

And that's why he hides behind a tree, watching his seemingly unrequited love have fun at the skatepark.

It's not like he ever notices, right?

...right?

~~~

Virgil definitely notices every time he's being watched by the cute nerd, too shy to actually approach him.

The fact that it's Roman kind of confuses him, since almost all their interactions are borderline hostile on a good day. At least, that's how it feels. Perhaps it's a rivalry, of sorts. Just bickering, insults, and weird nicknames that could pass off as pet names if you were an innocent bystander. But they aren't pet names, okay? Of course they f*cking aren't. Why would they be?

So then, why does Roman watch him shyly from a tree? He just... stares. It's borderline creepy, but that's not the issue. The issue is the fact that Virgil doesn't mind it. That he might like being watched by Roman- not in that way, don't make it weird- and likes his attention on him.

Also, how can Roman ever be so... nervous? Is that the right word?

Normally, when in school, he's always this pompous princely nerd with confidence pouring out of him. He knows what he's talking about. He's not very studious, not exactly, but he knows practically everything about theatre and its history. He knows a lot about history in general. And he's pretty great at the Creative Writing class they're both in.

His glasses are pretty cute, too. His smart little face, the red streak in his hair. The faintest of freckles on his cheeks and nose. The small moles on his neck. He's just so adorable-

Ack. Just f*cking- ugh. Why must Roman be so adorable yet so frustrating all at once?

Virgil is too gay for this sh*t. F*ck this. F*cking hell. Just- okay. He needs to chill out.

Just focus on skating. Ignore the cute little prince who keeps watching you. Just- jesus. Yeah, cause that's f*cking easy.

Virgil tries, he really does, but his mind keeps drifting to red bowties and clever comebacks. His skating buddies already know about his crush- not a crush, he tells them, he just thinks he's neat- and are frankly very tired of the obvious pining.

Hey, it's not pining- okay. Just- ya know what? F*ck you. Shut up.

Roman f*cking Solana.

Jesus.

It doesn't help that one of his friends, a fellow skater, is Roman's twin brother. So, he already sees Roman enough at school, but he also sees him whenever he hangs out with Remus at their house. They don't stay at the house for long, usually, and just go to the skatepark and meet up with Janus.

Yeah, being friends with Remus is always a new adventure. That also means the ungodly amount of innuendos and teasing just gets worse. Of course it f*cking does, it's Remus. As soon as he first heard about Virgil liking Roman in any romantic capacity, he would not leave the poor spiderling alone. That is, unless it got too close to a boundary line. Remus may have poor impulse control, but he'd never cross a boundary with his friends or family. He's not a monster.

He's a self-proclaimed freak, but not a monster.

Which brings them all to right now, a teasing Remus at the ready as Virgil messes up the same trick for the fifth time in a row.

"Dude, what's with you lately? You usually don't mess up that badly," an unnamed skater comments as Virgil gives up and sits down at a nearby bench.

Virgil rolls his eyes at the unnamed skater. Not worth his time. It's not like they're a part of his inner circle, anyway.

"He can't help it, little Virgey's distracted," Remus teases, wiggling his eyebrow.

"Shut up, Remus," Virgil grumbles.

Remus snickers at him.

"Aww, but it's so fun f*cking with you."

Virgil rolls his eyes again, this time at Remus.

"Then again, I know who you'd really like to f*ck with. Well, more like who you'd like to f*ck."

Virgil chokes on air for a moment, his face now burning red. The unnamed skater turns bright pink in second-hand embarrassment and shuffles away, deciding now is a good time to go back to skating. Virgil glares at Remus in his own embarrassment as the green-coded dumbass cackles at him.

"Remus," he scorns, voice cracking at the implication.

"Listen, you're so easy. I just- ha! You're so red!"

Virgil hides his face in his hands, groaning loudly in annoyance.

Where is Janus when you need him? God, the one time he gets too sick to come and skate with us. God f*cking damnit. F*cking bastard.

Janus is usually the one who Remus would listen to. Those two had been through thick and thin, in a lot more ways than Virgil had been with them. There are just some things, some very bad things, that unite people together in such a close bond. Going through trauma together is... it's something they hope Virgil will never experience. It's something that brought those two so close together, but both of them still wish it hadn't happened. The world tends to be a truly cruel place to those who just want to be.

Anyway, after a while of Remus tormenting Virgil, they go back to skating. Remus tends to do more dangerous stunts as if they were at a beginner level. Virgil sticks with what he knows, what he can't mess up, being what his friends call 'stupidly safe' and 'boring'.

Virgil still thinks back to Roman, who is currently hiding behind his signature tree. What he'd never admit is how Roman's attention on him makes his heart beat out of his chest. How his voice makes his heart flutter like a bunch of dumb little moths. How he makes him laugh and let himself exist. How this damned nerd makes him... just smile. He doesn't just smile for anyone. The stupid f*cking cherry-red bowtie. The spotlights in his eyes.

He and Remus may be twins, but they don't exactly look like twins. And that makes it so much easier to feel so cheesy about him. He could never feel cheesy, in any romantic capacity, about Remus or Janus. They're more like family than anything. Oh, but Roman...

God. He wanted to be the Jack to Roman's Sally.

Like I said, he feels so f*cking cheesy about Roman.

After a while of f*cking with each other like they always do, Remus decides to abruptly leave. Virgil asks where the f*ck does he think he's running off to, only to get a one-word answer. That reasonably excuses him.

"Janny!" Remus shouted as he skated away on the sidewalk in the park, heading towards the neighborhood.

Virgil shakes his head fondly. Janus doesn't even need to text or call Remus for the octopus-loving weirdo to know he needs him. A friend instinct, Virgil supposes. Part of their uniquely close platonic bond. Some weird ass sh*t.

Not wanting to skate without one of his friends, cause that just feels weird, Virgil decides to retire early for the day. He goes back to the bench he sat on earlier, setting his board wheels-up by his feet. Finally resting there for a moment, sighing as his back relaxes. He glances over at where Roman probably still is, but-

But he's... not there?

Maybe he had to leave for some reason? Like, his mom called him or something. That happens. Right? Yeah. It's probably fine.

I wish he was still here, though.

Virgil stops himself before he can pout.

Stop, stop it. You're not even friends. This shouldn't f*cking bother you. He's fine.

Why does it bother him?

It just feels wrong. Odd. He's just normally still there, and...

And he's grown attached.

Ah, f*ck me.

~~~

Roman is in theatre. He's almost always the star of the show, the central sun in a musical. When he's on stage, he truly becomes a prince. Whatever his role is, he is. It's a nice sight to see.

So yeah, he's in the Drama club, of course. What thespian wouldn't be? And they always meet on Tuesdays after school. So, as far as Virgil knows, Roman is still at school afterhours on Tuesdays. So is Remus, but that's only because their mom makes them walk home together.

Today is no different. 

Virgil somehow managed to get an after school detention. He'd been too 'disruptive' during class (he was having a panic attack, how the f*ck-), and now has to stay in the library until all the clubs got out. Great. Just f*cking great. Another reason why he hates his dumb math teacher. Because of course, of course being emotionally distressed is less important than f*cking algebra.

Anyway.

So, there's very few people he knows who have after school activities. I mean, he's not the only one ever who gets detention, but apparently today is an exception because he's the only student there that isn't a library tech. He simply listens to music with his headphones on, doing homework so he doesn't have to deal with it later. He has one headphone out, but only so the librarians can't yell at him for it. They usually don't care, but detention students are some sort of disease or something because they eye him like a pack of f*cking vultures. To be fair, Virgil isn't ever really in there unless he has detention. And, you know, your classic stereotypes and narrow-minded assumptions you see from people who need a large heap of therapy. So yeah, not a great time.

Being watched by the librarians isn't helping Virgil focus, and he's two seconds from f*cking decking one of them. The library tech doesn't seem to care. They're just shelving books and minding their own damn business. Virgil likes the tech better.

Aside from the dumbass Karen librarians, there's some sort of commotion coming from the hallway. It could be the theatre kids; the library is close by the Theater. It's all shouty and sh*t, loud and all that. The future scholars in dramatics, otherwise known as actors, tend to always be loud and mildly disruptive. It's not anything new.

Virgil tries to scribble the last of a science formula down, wanting nothing more than the school day to be over. It's not over until he gets to leave. And he can't f*cking leave yet. Stupid b*tch of a teacher. Just- ugh. Math sucks.

Virgil startles when he hears something that sounds like a slap. He sharply turns his head to the doors, which are left open until the clubs are over.

What the f*ck.

He knows his school has bullies. In fact, he's had his fair share of dunderheads picking on him for sh*t he can't control. But most of the students are gone, and only ones who aren't are the theatre or art club kids. And the art room is all the way at the other end of the school. So, the only kids who'd be here... would be the theatre kids... but he's never known any of them to- well, he's seen more gay-ass motherf*ckers in there than he can count, and they sure as hell aren't ones to be assholes unless someone actually deserves it. Or to be funny, in a sassy and dramatic way. Which is the reason why Virgil doesn't mind them. They don't really bother anyone.

Another suspiciously violent sound and a cry of pain, and Virgil flinches. He stops his work. He can't focus with all that noise, and the fact that someone could be getting hurt right now.

"Stop being so dramatic. God, you'd think he'd learn by now?" one voice complains.

"I know, right? He's so annoying! You wouldn't be in this situation if you kept your mouth shut," a second one adds.

A poorly-concealed whimper.

"Okay, that's it. We're being nice, you know we are. But I am two seconds from making your day a whole lot worse," a third one threatens.

Virgil feels stuck in his seat. God, he wants to get up and march over there, and just- what poor kid are they tormenting? It sounds like there's three of them- bullies always travel in groups- and their victim sounds so hurt.

He hears frantic mumbling, and he wishes he isn't so anxious because he'd like to help now, thank you. The worrying thing is he recognizes the first voice. It's familiar, but also not, and that's not a good sign. It's familiar in a bad way, in a 'oh god please not be them' kind of way.

"You were just saying how we shouldn't do what exactly? Hmm? Aww, why so quiet now?" the second one continues.

"I think he's scared, Jackson," says the third one.

"Oh Kayla, I think so, too."

The second one, Jackson, snickers at whoever the victim is. More mumbling. Something happens, and the first one seems to speak again, but it's muffled. The third one, Kayla, laughs at whatever the victim's reaction is.

Jesus, what's f*cking wrong with them? I need to get up and get someone. What do I do, what do I do? I don't know what to do.

Virgil still feels frozen to his seat. He hates how he doesn't know. How he can't f*cking move. Why must his own anxiety paralyze him like this? He's not even the one getting bullied. It just reminds him... of someone. It's getting kinda triggering at this point, even though he can't pinpoint who it reminds him of. He just feels so f*cking stuck.

Someone shushes Jackson and Kayla. Probably the first voice, who's probably the leader of their cruel trio.

"Hush now, stop being a baby. You asked for this when you got in my way, you stupid attention wh*re," the first one lows their voices in such a cold, cynical way.

Virgil loses it when he hears that.

Omg, omg, omg. What the f*ck. They called them a f*cking slur.

He feels so mortified for whoever their victim is.

Okay, that's it. F*ck this, f*ck my stupid anxiety. That's not okay. Those f*cking b*tches.

Virgil blindly bolts to his feet, leaving his headphones and everything behind on the table. He ignores the librarians' steely eyes and quiet shouts for him to sit down. He runs out the f*cking library, nothing but pure adrenaline fueling him. It's all of a blur of him running over there, but luckily- or unluckily, cause how are no adults handling this- the commotion isn't that far. In fact, it's near the Theater. In the hallway in-between that separates it from the library. Where anyone could see.

Out in the open and no one's helping, dear f*cking god.

And Virgil isn't exactly quiet as he runs over. So, the bullies hear the footsteps rapidly approaching them. One of them mutters something like hey, maybe we should not get our asses caught, and what sounds like three pairs of footsteps scatter around. When Virgil gets there, all he sees is a heap of white and red crouched on the ground. They look shaky and small, so damn small, and their bowtie looks a little f*cked up.

Wait, bowtie? Red bowtie. Wait- omg. Oh sh*t.

That's Princey, the cute little nerd, looking small and terrified on the hallway floor. His glasses are the only thing that don't look damaged. His clothes look scuffed up. Tears are pouring down his face, from eyes that look too dazed. A hand mark on his cheek-

Those little assholes. I'm going to f*cking kill them. I'm going to sink Remus on them, and he's going to kill them. I-

Wait... if Roman is here, then...

Where is Remus?

Virgil shoves his thoughts away as he carefully approaches the poor little thing, crouching down to his eye level. He looks distant, almost like he's somewhere else. Maybe he is. Maybe he's mentally somewhere away from all that just happened. Somewhere that feels safer.

When Virgil puts a soft touch to Roman's shoulder, however, he flinches hard. He startles, turning sharply to face Virgil. His eyes are now very aware of where he is, frantic and panicked.

Oh, Princey...

Virgil takes his hand away, going slowly so Roman can see his movements. The poor nerd is panting like a cornered animal. Scared, he looks so scared.

"Hey, it's okay. You're safe now, Princey. It's just me, Virgil. You know me, yeah?"

He keeps his voice low and soft, easing just a little bit of the panic out of the poor thing's eyes.

That's better.

He still looks a little scared, though. It takes him a moment, but then recognition lights up in his eyes. He whimpers.

"Oh sweetheart, it's okay. I'm right here. You're safe now."

Virgil carefully cups the nerd's non-hurt cheek, thumbing away unnoticed tears. Princey flinches as soon as he feels touch- it's less, but still- but calms down as he realizes it's just Virgil.

Virgil would never hurt him. Virgil is safe. Virgil is good.

They may tease each other, but it's never to go as far as intentionally hurting someone.

Roman remains tense, but slowly melts as Virgil moves his other hand to card through his hair. He lets out an undignified whine, leaning into the touch.

"There, I've got you."

Roman leans against Virgil, resting his unhurt half on his shoulder. His face squished against him, letting himself relax a little more. Virgil moves his hand from his face, wrapping his arm around the poor prince. He holds him now, keeping close and cuddled in his lap. Roman's head falls until it rests against Virgil's chest. He can hear his heart beating. It sounds a lot calmer than his own. A hand still cared through his hair.

"You need to breathe, sweetheart. C'mon, breathe with me, okay?"

Roman slightly nods. He listens to Virgil's heart, trying to match his breathing to it. His lungs stutter a few times, but the constant stream of comfort and reassurance helps. After a while of finally breathing, he just collapses into a limp lump of exhaustion into Virgil's arms. He doesn't tremble or shake anymore- hardly at all- and instead focuses on the feel of warmth that his rival-friend-person gives. He doesn't know how to categorize them quite yet, but it seems pretty friendly right now.

Which makes him wonder why they aren't usually friendly like this. Maybe Virgil's just being kind. Maybe it's pity. At this moment though, he doesn't find the energy to care. He basks in the safe, safe, safe person holding him.

"There you go. Good job, sweetheart. You're okay. I've got you, I promise."

They just breathe together for a moment. Just co-exist and the world feels frozen, halted. Like nothing could get them, no harm could come their way, no evil could touch them. Roman's eyes droop, very much ready to fall asleep like this. He's all relaxed and calm now. He's okay. He's safe in Virgil's arms. His glasses screw up a bit as he somehow melts further into the purple-themed skater. He hears a soft chuckle from somewhere.

"You relaxed, Princey? All nice and cozy?"

"Mhm."

"Good, that's good. As long as you feel safe, sweetheart."

Had Roman been more awake than he is, he would've blushed at the pet name. But he isn't, so it flies completely over his head. He feels warm and floaty, and just all light. He likes this feeling. He doesn't want it to go away. Secure in safe arms. Safe, safe, safe.

A text beeps off somewhere. Roman idly wonders if his phone. He gets answered, unfortunately, as he feels Virgil move slightly against him. Probably pulling something out of his pocket. By the sound of it, it's his phone. Another text beeps. Sounds of typing. Virgil sighs, something like relief, and types more. Sends whatever he types to whoever texted him. Another text comes in. Virgil makes an idle hm noise. He puts his phone away.

He holds onto Roman tighter, a protective huff slips out. He pauses for a moment, glancing down at Princey.

"You comfortable like this, Princey? Not hurt anywhere, are you? Besides the, uh, the face."

Roman hums.

"Jus' the face," he provides.

The mark on his face still slightly burns, but it's manageable. Tolerable. Not hurt that much anymore.

"'Kay, good."

He readjusts to hold him tight again. Roman finally closes his eyes, nearly passing out from the sh*t that just happened. It doesn't process in his gay mind that he's practically sleeping against his crush. Yeah, a little too exhausted for the thought to even cross his mind.

"Hey, sweetheart. Remus is on his way, okay?"

"Mm, Re?"

"Yeah, Re. Your bro's on his way to help."

"'m fine, though."

"Princey."

"Mm, really. Safe now."

Virgil smiles at that, warmth spreading in his chest. And not from the fact that he has a body against him.

"Good that you're safe. But you went through something scary. We gotta talk about it."

Roman groans sleepily.

"If it makes you too uncomfortable, we won't. But we need to know who did the sh*t, so they can get their asses whooped."

Roman huffs out a laugh at the mention of 'asses whooped'. Not something he thought he'd hear from Virgil, but funny nonetheless.

"Little sleepy head."

"Not little."

"Could've fooled me, all sleepy and small like this. You're just a little puddle."

Roman makes a half-hearted noise of protest, but just drifts off after that. His breathing evens out, and now he's asleep. Virgil's heart melts because he feels safe enough to sleep in my arms, omg.

After a few minutes, he hears a worried shout.

"Roman? Roro?"

Ah yeah, that's Remus. Worried Brother™ mode is activated, isn't it?

"Ro? Vi, where are- oh. Okay, good. Right there. Okay."

Remus spots them on the ground as soon as he turns the corner. He barrels down the hallway to them, muttering about how they're right there, they've got each other, Virgil ain't gonna let anyone hurt him. He nearly crashes into them as he runs and dives to sit by Virgil and his sleeping brother.

"Whoa, hey. Hey, he's okay. I've got him. He's also asleep, so be careful, Rem."

The light chide dies on Virgil's tongue as Remus growls protectively at sight of his hurt twin. Virgil sighs, knowing Remus isn't going to listen to him while Roman is like this. He doesn't blame him. Roman comes first, always.

Remus catches the mark on Roman's face, and his growl intensifies. Virgil stopped carding a hand through the poor nerd's hair a little bit ago, instead just holding him like something precious. That being said, he sees the pure and horribly overwhelming worry in Remus' eyes. And decides to hand over the sleeping prince.

"Rem, here. He's okay now. He's safe and okay. Right here."

Remus takes his brother carefully. The sleepy Roman whines in protest as he feels Virgil let go of him. The emo skater makes a comforting noise and mutters about what he's doing so the other will be calm. Once fully in his arms, Remus hugs the life out of his brother and holds him in his lap. Roman lets out a pleased hum as he drifts back into a comfortable slumber. He nuzzles into his brother, clinging onto his shirt like a little kid. Remus rests his chin on top of his brother's head.

"...who the f*ck messed with him?"

Remus' glare is deadly and cold, but he doesn't look at Virgil. It's not directed towards him, anyway.

Yep, there's the Protective Twin™ mode.

"I don't know. He hasn't said anything yet, looked a little scared to."

Virgil's voice nearly matches Remus' in cold venom. It's low and cruel, and he's going to do horrible things to the people who did this.

Virgil glances at Remus as he kisses his brother's hair softly.

"I told him we need the name of those f*ckers. I technically didn't ask him, but he still seemed... he's just so tired, Rem."

Virgil's voice almost cracks with emotion near the end. Remus grunts in response. His grip on his brother doesn't waver, not even for a millisecond.

"I heard names of two outta three, though."

Remus sharply turns to him, demanding the names with nothing but a look.

"I- I heard it from the library. One of them is, uh, Jackson. The other one is Kayla, I think."

Remus' eyes wide slightly for a second at the mention of Kayla, and it doesn't take basic observation skills to realize that he may know her. Probably not for a good reason. Virgil doesn't ask.

"There were three?"

"I didn't catch the third's name."

"And where were you, then? How could you hear names but not stop this sh*t from happening?"

Remus' voice cracks mid-sentence. Tears prick at his eyes, and he glares at Virgil like it could be his fault. Maybe it is. Maybe if he wasn't a little coward, he could've stopped it. If only he didn't fail at such an important time.

"I- I was in detention, and- uh, and I heard noise and voices, but I froze and I couldn't move-"

Remus' face softens, regret flooding in as his friend stumbles over panicked words.

"Hey, hey. Sorry. I know you wouldn't hurt him."

Virgil simply nods curtly, easing himself out of his own panic.

"I found him, dazed and on the floor. Rem- Remus, he looked so terrified."

I should've got to him. Goddamit, why am I so f*cking stupid? Just- what the f*ck is wrong with me?

Remus bumps Virgil's shoulder lightly, bringing him out of his thoughts. His own tears threaten to spill. He simply sniffles and wills them away. At least, he holds those stupid tears in for as long as he can.

"...I'm gonna beat and kill their asses."

"I'll bring the bat."

The duo lightly chuckles at each other for a moment. They focus back on Roman, who looks so peaceful in his sleep. Peaceful and safe. It's almost surreal, in a way. He was just hurt by some dumbf*cks, and now he looks like nothing's wrong in the world. They almost don't want to wake him up.

He beats them to it though, groaning and slowly opening his eyes. He first notices purple patches across from him. Then the fact he's being hugged into the Aether, hugged by someone strong and... is that green on their weird vest thing? Wait, green...

He sees Remus' signature skull necklace, and everything catches up to him.

Remus is here. Re is here and I am safe. Safe. Virgil's here, too.

He feels soreness creeping in as he wakes up more.

Ugh... goddammit.

He groans in slight pain.

Wait f*ck- Virgil is here. Holy sh*t. Omg, omg-

And then a little bit of gay panic sets in.

Roman feels his face heat up slightly, and he hides it in Remus' chest. Remus, being the ever-loving twin that he is, just snorts at him once he notices him blushing. Virgil raises an eyebrow at him, but Remus just ignores it and snickers.

"Mm, f*ck you, Re," Roman mutters.

"Yeah, he's okay," Remus says.

"Pft- you good, Princey? What's got you hiding?"

Virgil's own tears are long forgotten as he watches Roman groan pathetically, oblivious to the fact he's a little flustered because of him.

"Seriously though, are you okay?" Virgil's voice softens again.

Roman peeks out from his hiding place, nodding.

"Hm. Then why don't we talk about it, if you're okay and all? We still have asses to maim."

The princely nerd huffs, sitting up in his brother's lap. He avoids their gazes as he speaks.

"'s nothing to worry about."

Remus gives him a the f*ck it isn't look.

"Nothing to- Roro, they left a mark on you. They hit you. That's something to worry about."

"Re-"

"He's right, Princey. They shouldn't be messing with you like. No one gets to f*ck with you like that."

A few seconds of tense silence.

"it's not like it's anything new..." he mumbles.

"Wait, what?"

"I'm killing them-"

Roman tugs on Remus as soon as he feels him try to get up, telling him to stay. Remus rolls his eyes affectionately, staying put and keeping a hold on his hurt brother.

"Fine. Later, then."

"Princey, I- what? Have they been hurting you for a while?"

"...I should be able to take it."

"Oh, no- no, sweetheart, that's not what I meant."

Roman blushes lightly at the pet name, but Virgil ignores it.

"Yeah."

"Oh, Princey..."

"Ro, why didn't ya just tell me? Or us? I could've used Ma's hunting knife on them! Perfect practice!"

"She would kill you if you took her knife, dumbass."

"Not if she knew it was to protect you."

Roman rolls his eyes. Virgil is about ready to steal their mom's knife himself because who the f*ck do they think they are?

Then, he remembers something he heard back when he was in the Library.

Wait, didn't they call him a- oh, oh sh*t. I'm gutting them, omg.

"Sweetheart, how long have they... called you things?"

Roman shrinks, knowing exactly what he's asking. He sheepishly shrugs. Remus makes a concerned, confused face.

"What are they calling you? Bro-bro?"

"...'s fine. It's not that bad."

"Not that- Roman," Virgil's voice bleeds with horror and worry.

Roman huffs stubbornly.

"Ro? What are they calling you?"

He stays quiet, still avoiding their gazes. He feels embarrassed about this entire situation. He should be able to handle it fine, shouldn't he? He's smart and charismatic. He's a prince, if theatre is anything to go by. Aren't princes supposed to be strong?

Isn't he supposed to be strong?

"Roman- Princey, can I tell him? If you won't, then can I?"

That nickname is sounding a little too endearing, and Roman is on the verge of giving in just from that. He meets Virgil's eyes, not expecting the utter weight of naked concern on his face. He bites his lip before nodding and hiding his face in Remus' chest again.

"They called him a slur."

Virgil feels ready to cry again as he speaks, and he's not even the one who got hurt.

"They did what?" anger bleeds through Remus' voice.

He holds Roman tighter, if that's even possible at this point. Roman whimpers as the smallest echo of the slur replays in his head.

"I'm killing them, I'm f*cking killing them. I'm burying them ten feet underground, and I'm killing them."

Roman grips Remus' vest as he tries to push the faint memory of the bullies did out of his mind.

"They don't have any f*cking right to-"

"Not new."

Remus stills. He almost pales as he processes his twin's words. Virgil, in fact, does go pale.

"Roro?"

"Oh, God-"

"Ro, bro-bro, they- they f*cking what?"

"I got a role they wanted. I always get a role they want. They don't like it when I get what they want. It's... 's fine. Nothin' new."

"Oh sweetheart, that's not fine. They- they shouldn't be calling you a slur over a cast role."

"Those b*tches-"

"I should be able to handle it. I'm- I'm supposed to be a prince, aren't I? Princes handle things on their own."

Princes are supposed to be strong, he thinks but doesn't say.

"That's... sweetheart, no. No, princes can ask for help if they need it."

"...but I'm supposed to be strong. Mom calls me her prince, and I want to be strong."

"Asking for help is strong, sweetheart. Strong is being scared and hurt, but surviving anyway."

"Ma calls you her prince because you are strong."

"She also calls you a gremlin Dorito because you have a weird obsession with demonic triangles."

"Cipher is f*cking funny-"

"He literally rips teeth from a deer, what the f*ck-"

Virgil spares a snort as the brothers briefly bicker.

"Not the point, Ro. She also calls me her duke because she said I was meant to be different from you. That you and I are both her precious royals."

Roman hums in response.

Virgil shuffles closer, sitting against Remus' arm. There's more silence. Remus is plotting death for those b*tches who hurt his brother. Virgil is probably doing the same, though he keeps glancing at Roman to make sure he's alright. Today was just total sh*t, huh?

"...they called me an attention wh*re."

Roman's voice cracks as he whispers, curling up in Remus' arms and wanting nothing more than today to have never happened. Remus growls protectively, resting his chin on Roman's head again. Virgil takes one of the nerd's hands, squeezing it softly. He squeezes back.

"Logan's dad knows the principle," Virgil says, rubbing circles on the nerd's knuckles. "Patton told me. We could f*cking get them."

Remus nods sharply as Roman seems to drift off somewhere.

They three stay there, in the empty hallway, as clubs end and other students decide to avoid the murderous looks on Remus' and Virgil's faces.

~~~

It's not even two days later when Jackson, Kayla, and Jackass Number 3 get expelled from school.

Not only does Logan's dad know the principle, but he also seems to be old friends to the district's Superintendent as well. Apparently, his dad knows some friends in high places. Good thing Virgil is intent on remaining on Logan's good side.

Roman and Virgil walk to school together, mainly because Janus is feeling better and Remus wanted to go f*ck some fences up with him. Plus, Roman's mom is even more insistent on him having a walking buddy now that she knows he'd been bullied. As overprotective as she can be, his mom cares a whole lot more about her sons than anything else.

She sneaked a wink at Roman when Virgil came over to walk with him, since his brother couldn't take him anyways. Remus must've tattled on his gay ass because now his mom kept giving this look whenever Virgil visited.

So yes, now he walks with his crush to school. As Remus is being a little criminal and doing God knows what, Roman is fighting a gay panic. Virgil's hand has brushed his twice already, and he thinks he might die if it happens again.

He drifts off into thought for a moment, wondering about a couple of days ago.

"Hey, Virgil?" his voice stays surprisingly steady as his heart thrums in his chest.

"Yeah, Princey?" Virgil glances over at him, and oh god, gay panic, now's not the time.

"Uh, when you... I mean, back when you found me in that hallway and helped me out, uh- well..."

Virgil's gaze softens. He offers a hand, and Roman takes it hesitantly. He squeezes lightly, causing the nerd exhale his nervousness.

"Um, when that happened, you kept calling me 'sweetheart'," Roman couldn't stop the smile on his face. "What was that about?"

His chest burst into butterflies as they both stop walking, and Virgil gives a fond smirk. He avoids Roman's gaze now, a light blush on his face.

"I- uh, sh*t. F*ck, sh*t," he mutters.

Roman waits, though his eager heart beats loudly against his chest.

"I, um... I care about you. You're important to me."

Hi, yes, hello. Uh, Roman's not here right now. He's currently bursting into a million fireworks.

"You- uh, what way do you mean?" Roman can feel how red his face is.

This is when Virgil looks at him, anxious and biting his lip. Flustered, he's flustered the skater boy. His face is red too, though debatably not as red as the nerd. No, Roman's face almost matches his bowtie.

Virgil takes Roman's other hand, shaking slightly from nerves. He stops biting his lip. He risks a brief glance at Roman's lips, and- omg. Omg, I'm going to die.

Both of their faces are burning bright red.

"You... want me to be your sweetheart?" Roman is breathless, and honestly a little overwhelmed by the fact his crush stared at his lips, oh Jesus f*cking Christ.

"Yeah, if you'd have me..." Virgil is just as breathless as they glance into each other's eyes, baring their souls and hearts to one another.

"I'd, uh- yeah, I'd like that."

Virgil moves one of his hands to hold the back of Roman's neck, and Roman's now-free hand rests on Virgil's shoulder. They both glance at each other's lips, hearts pounding and butterflies swarming their insides.

"Can I kiss you, sweetheart?" Virgil looks at him gay in the eyes, and Roman nearly melts.

"Yes," is all the nerd can muster.

They lean in awkwardly, considering they're inexperienced highschoolers, brushing their lips together. They each pull back from some initial shock, slowly leaning back as they gain what little confidence they have. They quickly peck each other, nerves turning into bursts of explosive colour and excitement in their guts. Roman looks at Virgil, his heart fluttering as he recovers from that. Virgil smiles fondly at him. His sweetheart- omg, he's his sweetheart now- smiling back. They're both in a daze. Faces bright pink, heads feeling light like clouds, and hands stay surprisingly steady as they gaze at each other.

It takes them a few moments before they realize that they're going to be late for school.

"Oh sh*t- uh, school's about to start," Virgil cusses as he takes his hand from the back of Roman's neck and looks at the time on his phone.

"Uh, yep. Yep, we should probably go an'- and stuff," his nerd awkwardly stumbles over his words, moving his hand off of Virgil's shoulder.

Virgil pockets his phone as they continue walking to school, picking up the pace a little. They still hold hands as they go. Gay panic roaring in their minds, a swirling mix of emotions leftover from kissing and confessing.

They don't part until needing to go down separate hallways for class.

[maebyshifting]

https://www.tumblr.com/maebyshifting/731759296824688641/lets-talk-about-scripting-and-trauma

i remember being a baby shifter and scripting insanely traumatic experiences because i still hadn’t fully grasped the authenticity of shifting - it felt so unreal so i treated as if it was unreal!

safe to say i’ve grown up and realised how fucked up it is to put myself through such situations

as a writer as well as a shifter i really was treating my drs as if they were some fan fiction like you said!!

and yeah, part of me still wants to live out those scenes i’ve scripted but it’s not a healthy experience to desire

so instead this is what i’ve done (and i’m telling you because i kinda want your opinion?? <3) :

in my waiting room, i’ve scripted “green rooms” sort of like he green door’s from the show The Good Place - if you don’t know what they are, the characters just need to think of a location and they open this giant sparkly green door and they’ve arrive at said location (side note: that could be a great shifting method hihi). anyway, i figured i could live out my fan-fiction-come-to-life dream by going into a green room where i’m basically acting out the character but as a show(?) kind of. like, i know i can’t get hurt or die in these situations and i have the ability to “pause” the situation of required. and additionally, aside from that, in my waiting room i can just watch the reality as a show.

like for example, i had an arrowverse dr (specifically the flash) which i treated like a fan fiction before i realised how messed up and traumatic it was. but i didn’t want to let it go because my dr-self had become like an oc who’s story fit very well into the arrowverse reality. so instead, i’ve scripted it to be a show that i can watch in my wr - the arrowverse (+ my oc/ex-dr-self)

idk if any of what i just said made and i’m sorry if it was confusing in any way but if you’re willing, i’d love to hear your thoughts!

i think those are great ideas! i think for many scripting can kinda feel like a fanfic so we start to write like it is one, if that makes sense.

ofc other shifters have opinions about trauma, but based on the stories of other shifters of how it has affected them i really do believe it’s better to be safe than sorry!

also the green rooms idea would kinda be good to use in a lucid dreaming method! or used as a new method as well i think those are all really good ideas :)

[psychologeek]

So I have a new fic. Shocking, I know.

(Yes, I'm still late with 2 assignments. Any help with writing the letter to the professor is welcome. explaining I can't stay awake more than an hour for the last weeks is hard.)

It's inspired by @byrambles fic "another mirror".

Explanations+thoughts+side notes under "read more"

Summary:

Damian is sitting on the cot in the containment cell when the world ends.

"You will be facing charges in twelve hours," says the older version of his brother. "By the Justice League court.”

...

Of legacy, family, and Learned Helplessness.

(How do you push forward when your reasons are gone?)

It's kinda dark. Which is very understandable, as I wrote it when I was very hurt and suicidal. (I'm better now. But I now it happens).

Thoughts and notes from the writing process below-v

Tevya: wait, I just realized Dami thinks THE OTHERS ARE DEAD.

Me: I don't know if he thinks they are dead, but they are surely lost for him - so might as well be dead. (For extra angst: Something about Object Permanence, and knowing things doesn't disappear just bc u can't see it. Another thing about separation anxiety and how, for Dami, it's a well learned lesson that if he doesn't see someone, if he doesn't keep an eye on them, they are probably dead)

D

About Trauma, PTSD and cPTSD (as I see it). About Dami's inner monologue/broken sentences.

Some things just doesn't have words. PTSD is The unspoken break, the fractured paragraph in one's story. cPTSD is a swollen book, one that fell into the sink and only some of the words can be recognised. You may have a full chapter, or a several words, or some pages are so badly destroyed you fear even looking at them. And even after, even after you dried that book and put it in a safe place - Those pages will always be heavy, and broken, and wounded. This book will always be different than the others.

(But it's still worth it)

About the scene with Dami prepare for his death:

So, I'm not Muslim - I'm Jewish.

But this scene is heavily inspired by the many, many people we lost during the holocaust. Not just for death, but also from the group. They were lost to our people, our nation, for ever, and so are their descendants.

One of the most told stories I remember being told as a kid, is one of a Rabbi who went looking in every orphanage and Monastery, And whnever he was told "we don't have any Jewish kids here" he asked them to bring in all the kids. Then he said "Shma Israel" (a prayer, one of the simplest, many people use to say it also at bed before going to sleep). Every kid who put a hand on their eyes, he was like - yes, they are Jewish.

And it's small. But I also think of all those who WEREN'T found .

Idk.

I have a lot of feelings about culture and groups.

About Tim& Dami's escape+Alfred's death:

In my head, Dami tried to die once when he was about 9-10, and Alfred found him. They made sort of agreement, so Dami promised he'll take care of himself, and Alf promise they'll escape. In my head, a short while after Tim was taken they were meant to escape. Was it only enough for two people? Or did Alfred stayed back to cover them? Idk. But the results is this: Dami and Tim escaped and caught up after about a week. (Did B killed Alfie? Did he make Dami do that as part of his punishment? Did Alfie killed himself, so he won't tell where they are? Trader's choice.)

[etherealnoir]

YESSSSS on Found making me dislike Gabi. Honestly I’m more indifferent to her but still. I love a morally grey (Annalise 4ever!) or even straight up nasty black woman character but one with complexity and depth. She’s underwritten and underdeveloped and completely caricature. Strong Black Woman to the max and it sucks. Trauma can be debilitating and obviously she isn’t handling it right but she’s written as totally unyielding and never jokes (if she does it’s fleeting) or opens up or has anyone close. I know why but the way they portray her personality is unconvincing. A black woman bestie her age would help but who would she go to? I don’t think it’s an issue of skill because the others are well rounded (excluding Lacey who is an extra and Dhan who they only let be the muscle). I wonder how much input Shanola has in terms of her character because sometimes actors ideas can be for the worse lol. But why she would want Gabi written so thinly and corny I don’t know. I don’t even buy that she cares for ‘her people’ more like she likes having them around to validate her. Found family they are not. Maybe if the show was strictly about cases and she was the tough boss I would get it but with the current premise it just doesn’t make sense. Gabi doesn’t even feel real.

EDIT: Even in her scenes with Sir, she'll like do something objectively awful to him (but still not as awful as what he did). Then she'll immediately take it back by the end of the episode with some declaration about how she's not like him and she's a good person blah blah blah. Like...look bitch. If you busted his kneecaps, nobody would blame you. If these writers are too cowardly to let Gabi get revenge, then don't write this premise idk.

--

I disagree on the point that Dhan isn't fully-rounded. Gabi asking him to kill Sir for her made me mad at her purely because we've seen over the course of the season how much Dhan has struggled with his own trauma. While he doesn't seem to mind using physical force to solve problems (which is another issue all on its own tbh), there are some lines he just won't cross. She knows this. She disregarded this.

And even she knows that he was held captive for three (3!!!) whole years. And obviously he wouldn't be okay with her holding Hugh captive. So it was wild of her to act like he was in the wrong for being angry/hurt.

But circling back to the Gabi issue, the writers are afraid to make her the bad guy.

Like they don't want a Black Woman to be a terrible person, so everything she does is justifiable in some way and the characters are likely to forgive her pretty quickly. I've never liked characters where everybody just loved them and was loyal to them for no real discernable reason. And that's what Gabi is giving. It feels like someone's self-insert character, and it annoys me.

It would be nice to see her put some of her PR background to use outside of press conferences. Like IDK...it'd be nice to see her actually do research, but that usually goes to Zeke. We could see her analyze behavior and motive, but that goes to Margaret. When things are a little to hard, she just defers to Sir. So it's like...what does GABI do? She's passionate, but it all feels surface level.

[sporkberries]

I saw your post about Tim and Jason and I’ve never agreed about something more. We need more fics where them getting closer is at least canon adjacent instead of the stuff we get in fanon. A lot of their fanon content really grosses me out because it sort of reads like Tim developing Stockholm syndrome for Jason who repeatedly abuses him but can’t be blamed for it because of “pit madness” 🤢. That might just be because of my personal experiences but it really grosses me out a lot of the time

YEAH NO I 100% AGREE. I think portraying Tim as automatically forgiving Jason for the awful things he does(TO TIM) and ohh Jason wants to hurt him but its not his faulltt. Is so fucking UEGH. I think its not only a disservice to both of their characters but a really weird dynamic to tag as “fluff” and “hurt/comfort”.

I especially dislike the Titan’s Tower stories not just because they misrepresent the actual scene(which is very ridiculous imo) but because having Jason beat the shit out of Tim and then WRITE ON THE WALLS WITH HIS BLOOD and then being like ohh no he’s his care taker now is so 😨. Like imagine someone beating you so bad THEY CAN WRITE WITH YOUR BLOOD and then them kidnapping you and “taking care of you” thats so fucked…

I think the fandom in general can turn Tim into a bit of a punching bag which… fair. Im not going to pretend like i dont like angst BUT when portraying these traumatic events or his interactions with the people around him they kinda make him… spineless? Which IS a valid trauma response but its not Tim. Tim can be literally on the verge of death and he’ll still probably be shit talking you y’know? He can be self sacrificing yeah but… come on.

IDK. Jason pre reboot is kinda not a great person and i think the fandom WANTS him to be and they want to twist it into “pit madness”(which isnt a long lasting thing) or “he protects women and kids”(does he?) when it just… isn’t true?

Fanon Jason as a whole is just kinda an OC with bits of current Jason mixed into him, he doesn’t exist outside the fandom. This is why i sometimes joke about being a “jason todd hater” when i dont really have much against the character(other than most his comics being shit 😔) but because i dislike some aspects of the fandom he represents.

I do think Tim and Jason have the POTENTIAL to get along. They’re both snarky bastards and that dynamic is fun to write and mess around with but there is A LOT of baggage to unpack. Titans tower stuff aside Tim broke Jason out of prison which resulted in Jason donning a batman suit and killing a bunch if people which Tim feels EXTREME guilt for. So even if pre reboot jason wants something to do with Tim(which i think he does as he continually reaches out to him) there is a lot they would need to work on. Which i admit would be interesting to read but sadly a lot of fics dont really follow the comics that well.

Anyhow closing this off i also want to mention again how the fandom prioritizes Tim’s largely fanon(or lobdell written so shouldnt be acknowledged ) relationship with jason over his long lasting canonical relationships with female characters( Cass and Helena[HELENA IS SUCH A VICTIM OF THIS OH MY GOD AND FANON JASON STEALS SO MANY OF HER TRAITS AN-]) 😔

But yeah fanon jason and tim is weird and i’d be interested to see an actual brotherhood develop between the two but i think it would take a lot of work from the both of them(which DC will definitely not put in 😔)

[ashintheairlikesnow]

okay i don’t want to sound like a hater because that scene with kauri was beautifully written and like his trauma response + fucked up coping was so so real

but i guess i’m wondering if you feel there’s a difference in how different characters are “allowed” to feel and respond to things within their relationship dynamics . like, sure antoni gets mad at kauri, but minutes afterward when jake walks in he’s already forgiven kauri and they spend the whole conversation talking about how to make kauri apologizing easier on kauri. it just makes me sad and makes me feel like antoni isn’t allowed to fall apart in the same way kauri is because he’s thinking about how he’s affecting kauri, but kauri doesn’t have the same concern for him.

or, he may have it, but he still drives unsafely with chris in the car, actively scared of him/his driving, out to a bar to take drugs and get drunk, and the thought of how it will affect his husbands doesn’t stop him. where i feel like antoni and jake would never do the same type thing to him or each other, you know? they wouldn’t indulge their worst impulses because they just don’t get to let themselves go to that degree because they’re aware of the people who love them and the people who rely on them.

idk if all that makes sense, but it just made me a lil sad cuz as much as i love hurt kauri this specific storyline makes me feel protective of antoni and the way as soon as he rationally can, he’s shaping his trauma response to be as gentle as possible on kauri, and kauri doesn’t or can’t do the same for him :(

You are not incorrect, Anon. And I did try to write Kauri being more understanding but it wasn't true to how he would react in the immediate moment. I had to let Kauri take his fear and pain to its logical conclusion. Just like Antoni went to his - trying not to think about himself at all, instead turning it around into caring about someone else. They're both handling this terribly, in their own very different ways. Antoni's looks better from the outside because it seems selfless, but they're each committing a kind of self-harm. Antoni by pulling into himself and Kauri by making it his own fault and proof he is fundamentally not worth loving.

I don't think it is about allowance, so much as two men having very different trauma responses. Like, Kauri isn't more sympathetic here. He is arguably far less sympathetic, because he really did take Antoni's pain and make it all about him. And Antoni was right to realize he wasn't able to deal with that and end the conversation until he has some time to think.

Kauri does have the same concern but he can't access it through the very self-focused pain and shame he feels right now. I should note that Kauri is ALWAYS a terrible driver and being upset only worsened it like 20%.

A huge difference between Jake and Antoni and Kauri is actually... impulse control in general. Kauri's emotions overtake his sense of logic. His impulses drive him to do stupid shit first and realize he did stupid shit later, and he doesn't really have a voice inside him that speaks up about it until it's too late. Jake and Antoni don't struggle with that to that level. Antoni actually has the opposite problem. He basically never lets impulse carry him even when it would help.

I think, when I have the time and inspiration to write when Antoni and Kauri talk next, you'll see how they actually can complement each other when things get tough, they just have to each come out of their respective trauma responses enough to do so.

[youanilovefandoms]

Rejoining Tumblr to share my thoughts on the Red White and Royal Blue movie

- I miss June

- Miguel who tf do you think you are you will never be Liam

- HE WILL NEVER BE LUNA

- Why are they still married???? Like it’s okay but a minor detail they could have left in

- The turkey scene confused my dog( it doesn’t hit the same but I also kinda like how they did it)

- RELEASE THE DIRECTORS CUT HE SAOD THERE ARE HOURS OF CONTENT THEY HAD TO CUT

- PEZ very happy he made the film

- Henry is me in social settings

- Miss Alexs original sexuality crisis cuz it was a true bisexual disaster moment

- Alex ready with music playing what a man

- Henry looked too composed post the first time they did sexy things

- Also where was “fucking eyelashes”

- Alex saying I’m bisexual for the first time is me

- “We just have to keep it very causal” and “I just can’t afford for you to fall in love with me” LIKE YOU DONT LOVE HIM ALREADY

- “I don’t know how to play polo” this is the moment Henry realised Alex is a Himbo

- I miss the polo dialogue, like that was iconic to me

- “HE IS” that’s it

- I too want to know the other famous lads he has shagged

- My mum wants to add that they are not subtle

- Give my guy Henry therapy like a fuck ton of it

- Also like let him hide on a private island and live the gay fantasy he deserves

- What happened to Wimbledon

- The Paris scene (before the do) was so sweet and cute and just everything like it was casual, fun and just everything I personally would have wanted when first having this experience (not that I did :()

- They’re in love your honour it is not casual

- Give both these men therapy please

- I am a miguel hater

- Alex loves politics but more importantly he loves his mum

- HENRYS EMAIL MADE THE CUT (not all of it but it made the cut)

- The letter quotes were pivotal for me in the books and the film without them is weird. Like I’m still really enjoying it but just miss it

- I HATE MIGUEL

- I wish Bea had more screen time she’s an icon

- “No” HE WAS SO QUICK AND CERTAIN. THAT MAN IS IN LOVE

- WHERES THE POWERPOINT

- “The B is not silent” please I needed that said on a big screen

- Stop calling my guy Pez Percy, it feels so wrong

- I’m happy the karaoke scene partially made it, wasn’t the same vibe but I’m happy it made it nonetheless

- My mums words “oh my god he’s catching feelings”

- Henry looks so scared whilst Alex pours his heart out :(

- Henry under the water and swimming away :( I would like to write an essay on those 30 seconds

- HENRY I WISH YOU WERE ALLOWED TO BE HAPPY AND IN LOVE THE WHOLE TOME

- Where was Alexs screams outside the palace gates! It needed to be more dramatic

- “Tell me to leave” “don’t make me” sobbing

- Henry is a history nerd and if that isn’t the gay agenda idk what is

- “And we’d dance” Alex said quick let me whip out my phone

- HISTORY HUH

- My mum “He gave him his ring! HE GAVE HIM HIS KEY!”

- Henry’s face after being outed and not being allowed to contact Alex was so painful

- My guy was traumatised and had no real support and both him and Alex were left to face the trauma without each other

- WE HATE MIGUEL I STUDIED JOURNALISM TOO MIGUEL AND YOURE A TWAT

- Also hate Phillip ( wasn’t in the film much but the message stands)

- Trying to explain outing to my mum when my sister lowkey outed me is painful and hurtful

- The phone call 😭😭😭meeting halfway on the stairs 😭😭😭

- STEPHAN FRY he came, he served what he needed to serve and he would have hated this homophobe

- My mum “why did the give Phillip an Evil haircut” me “Phillip is homophobic he deserved to bald”

- The parallel between their first tv interview and them talking with the king

- Is there a chance the king is gay and he had to hide it???? Or is he just like that

- THE PUBLIC SUPPORT

- My mum during the publics pride parade “get out on that balcony, get rid of your title and be happy”

- Mum was very happy he got on the balcony

- Mum was also very concerned where the secret service was everytime they snuck around

- Is it a perfect movie? No Is it everything I wanted? No but almost Do I love it? 100000%

[chevelleneech]

Why Eddie should NOT also have encephalitis.

One, it’d be excruciatingly lazy writing. We went through an entire episode of Chim suffering virus as he battled his inner demons, and Kenneth carried the fuck out of every scene. Having Eddie go through the exact same thing, just in a more drawn out way would be so… disrespectful, from a storytelling perspective. Because why not give that time to the character who establishes the virus being an issue in the first place?

As well, no matter what anyone says, Eddie is white Latino, so it’d also feel odd to me that they glossed over an Asian man getting a nice weighty plot line about grief and fear, just to give it to the same white man who has spent five seasons dealing with grief and trauma. Now, this isn’t me saying Eddie has to be over his issue already, but giving them the same virus yet giving Eddie a multi-ep arc over Chimney would be shitty.

Therefore, I think Eddie simply needs to be written as finally hitting rock bottom. Yes, we’ve seen him spiral and we’ve seen him broken down emotionally, but we haven’t seen him reach such a low point of self-sabotage. Whether Kim is meant to be Shannon’s doppelgänger or just a woman he is projecting her physicality on to, doesn’t matter. What matters is Eddie has reached a point on his grief and understanding of self, that he’s (if written well) lost control of his ability to process his feelings.

He likes Marisol before finding out she was a nun, and he’s clearly forcing himself to remain in a relationship with her, but being uncertain about her doesn’t give him permission to cheat. At the same time, I am very curious if he’s going to cheat at all.

It’s very possible Eddie met up with Kim to find out if Shannon has a li g lost twin or other family as we know sometimes cousins can be identical too. He could also tell Kim flat out that he lost his wife and she looks like him and he asked her out in an effort to see if she’d give him the closure he never got. Which would be very strange, but not out of the realm of possibility given again, he is likely not in control of how his grief is manifesting and he’s lost control of how to process it.

As well, if he does cheat, the same things apply. Eddie is looking for closure where he has no business being, and it’s not going to end well, I don’t think. For one, he lied to Buck and Marisol about it, so whether or not he cheats, I think they’ll both be hurt.

Marisol, obviously because he possibly cheats on her after freaking out about her past, but also he’s seeing his dead wife (look-a-like or projected) and that’s a difficult reality to swallow, when there’s so much grief and unsaid things left on the table.

Buck, because he believes Eddie to be his Person. They claim to go to each other with all their problems and trust each other implicitly, so imagine him finding out his best friend is in so much distress and grief still, that he couldn’t tell him he’s essentially seeing his dead wife. And if he does cheat, it becomes an issue that Eddie is spiraling so hard, he’s made Buck an unwilling accomplice in hurting Marisol after already telling Buck he isn’t sure about her. So it’s a matter of Buck having to figure out if Eddie is actually grief stricken or if he’s just using that to cheat, because Buck already knows he wanted to breakup with Marisol.

Regardless, there’s a lot of potential story here that would make so much sense, and I hope they do it well. This season has been so rocky with what feels like basically zero follow-through, so I’m not optimistic. Perhaps they’ll tie Eddie’s trauma into Bobby’s in order to do a cliffhanger? Idk, but if it’s just a cheating arc to get rid of Marisol, I’ll be disappointed.

[chiconisroc]

Was Not the Hero/Not What You Expected Questions Round 4

Was it the palisman or glyph tattoos that caused Philip Curse?

Answer: It's a bit complicated, well, not so much, but I will be bringing it up into the story later. Well, Philip will explain it to someone in phase 3 : )

2. I feel if Philas was canon Philip will become a gay icon and many people with religious trauma or internalized homophobia will adore him.

Answer: I believe so too. I was legit expecting the show to go that route cause we don't really get to see such things before in shows. And it sucks cause there are many people in his situation still stuck in this self destructive hate that is also hurting other innocent peeps and would be nice to show those peeps they don't have to stay in such a dreadful path.

More Questions and Answers:

3. Wait chico don't tell them if you're religious they'll shoot you/joke

Answer: hahaha, idk if i can say i'm religious, but oh well, hahaha

4. What would Philip think of spicy food? If he can taste it?

Answer: If he could ever be able to taste food again, he probably would be so confused and not like it cause he isn't used to such feeling in his mouth burning, hahaha.

5. Have you seen a reverse of mud and feathers by Jess the vampire?

Answer: I have not o.o. I think, Idk, hahaha x.x, not sure what that is. I don't really look at other stuff much since I get fixated with my own writing. Writing thousands of words a week takes a lot of time from me v.v and if i'm not writing i'm like fixated on other random stuff cause gah, my brain. Or I'm just daydreaming constantly on future scenes for my fanfics. Even my ps5 is just collecting dust cause I ignore it, hahaha

6. Does Philip know some Puritan swear words?

Answer: He does, but he rather not swear if he can help it : )

7. Have Philip and Silas rode a horse together?

Answer: Yep, a few times honestly, without anyone noticing

8. I wonder How Luz would react to Philip being bi as her?

Answer: Oh, you will see in phase 3 : )

9. If Silas was a woman would she and Philip tried to conceive a child together?

Answer: For sure

10. How would Canon Philip feel about Silas?

Answer: Very conflicted honestly. He probably would avoid Silas but at the same time make sure Silas doesn't get corrupted by witches

11. Does Philip like cats and does he act like a cat?

Answer: Philip has no opinion on cats. And hahaha, idk, does he act like a cat? o.o

12. In “ Not What you expected” can Belos possess people that would further claim that he just a demon and would make him a major target for the witch Hunter than the actual witch?

Answer: Yah, Belos has the ability to possess people in that storyand would for sure further push the belief to others that he is a demon and would just cause him more problems later

The following questions are ones I cannot answer due to spoilers. Sorry peeps. I can't really answer specific future story stuff v.v

I’m Not what you expected would Philip help the boiling isles in the future and became an actual hero?

In “Not What you Expected”would Philip outlive Caleb and serve to protect his children till the president day to make up for his sins?

In “Not What You Expected” would Philip become a local legend in Gravesfield after centuries past and would Luz become a fan of him and maybe stumble upon the boiling isles?

In “ Not What you expected” would we get a scene paralleling Castlevania particular the Bishop and Blue fang demon inside of the church where the demon tears down the bishop lies about his work and how their work disgust God you can watch this scene on YouTube.

would Silas appear in “Not What you expected”?

”In Not What you expected” would Philip save that woman who is accused of being a witch?

”In Not What you Expected” would Philip try to awkwardly bond with Caleb, like climbing in his bed and trying to snuggle him while Caleb is praying and sweating that he won’t kill him in his sleep or try to do chores around the house but failing cause he drips and stinks.

would Philip and Evelyn become buddies in “ Not What you expected”?

[mirkwoodmunson]

moonie’s fic list #2

minors dni!

total fics: 6

updated: feb. 8, '23

12/16/22 -> eddie rescues reader; 950 words / fluff;angst;comfort

perfectlysunny02 said: hi! idk how i thought of this please don’t judge me but idk if you’ve ever watched twilight but she almost gets hit by a car and Edward saves her and then gaslights her and the entire time i was watching this scene i was like boooo eddie would neverrrrr. eddie’s the better edward Cullen🤣😭

12/17/22 -> eddie just wants to sit with reader; 795 words / comfort

simping-over-boys-with-trauma said: I have an Eddie comfort HC that's kinda self indulgent but what's new. So I work with kids (like toddlers). And sometimes, when I get home, I need to just sit in a dark, quiet room for a bit. I feel like Eddie would understand, but still struggle cause he's missed you allllll day, and now you wanna be alone?? So he'd promise to sit very quietly if you let him in the room with you.

12/21/22 -> steve harrington comfort special; 711 words / comfort

Anonymous said: So I don’t know if you write for steve or not but if you do, could you do a steve x sick reader please? I have the flu and I’m dying

12/22/22 -> eddie & wayne holiday blurb; 273 words / fluff

simping-over-boys-with-trauma said: [...] Do you think Eddie is a holiday-spirit kinda person? Or is he just waiting for it to be over?

02/07/23 -> where's my love; 1.8k words / hurt;comfort

Anonymous said: can i request something inspired by where’s my love - syml? maybe bubbly reader developed something traumatic after the s4 events and just blocked everyone in her life and eddie’s worry sick that they might never be themselves again and starts helping them and all that hurt/comfort cutie patootie. luv your work!! 😭💛

02/08/23 -> nutella and sprinkles; 680 words / fluff

ralph-penbury said: how do you think eddie would react to having a partner that always says shit like “i had a handful of rainbow sprinkles for lunch today” ,, like they’re the laziest ever, very chaotic in how they take care of themself, so eddie’s just like🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️please gOd —

[reyesstrand]

So I’m not someone who thinks Carlos’s character was “ruined” by season 4… but I do also think that if we’re going to talk about how the season added depth and nuance to his character it also needs to be addressed that it was done in a way in which he was given flaws and made mistakes while not growing or learning from them. He was still hiding things and lying in the very last episode of the season and he had no consequences for any of his mistakes this season (unless you want to count now having a lizard son as a peace offering after not communicating properly 😂). And my complaint about this is 100% aimed at the writing, not the character. I loved that they gave him plots and screen time and flaws and depth and friends outside of TK and more background with his family… but he didn’t show growth as a result of those flaws at all and that bothers me.

so yeah like, i think a lot of this comes from the fact they made this the carlos season (no complaints sjfnskdn) and kind of overlayed tons of issues in one condensed season. but if you think about things like the deflection, the jokes, etc…these are all trauma responses that have been there since what? early season two? and do i think they should’ve shown him maybe having a chat with tk where he apologizes for lying? yeah. there were many moments where they could’ve shown them talking, but we’ve accepted that they have lives off-screen and talk off-screen as they have for the duration of the show. episode three alone, carlos says that they talked about giving iris time. we didn’t see that, but we go off that as the foundation for both of their reactions to iris going missing again. i also think the scenes we did get with them communicating (end of 4x02, 4x12, 4x16 etc etc) show that they’ve grown in that department, and even if it isn’t happening on screen……..it is happening. he’s initiated his fair share of the conversations. the process of growth is non-linear and we might have to sit with the uncomfortable humanness of it all. i really don’t know.

i can say that i have my own problems with the writing this season. i agree a lot of this happened all at once, and that the iris storyline was rushed, and even some non-tarlos storylines were a little sloppy, but i can also say that i enjoyed the way that grief on this show is not linear, recovery on this show is not linear, grappling with trauma is not linear. learning from past mistakes is not something that’s easily said and done. we see this in tk we see this in marjan we see this in paul we see this in judd we see this in tommy we see this in grace we see this in owen and we see this in carlos. we never on-screen saw carlos’ trauma as it happened pre-show, but we’re seeing it naturally come out as he’s grown comfortable in his life. but i still focus on the enjoyment the show brings me.

re the finale…..i think it does fit in character, and maybe that’s annoying!!! maybe that’s something they’ll deal with next season!!!! but him not telling tk because he’s literally become consumed by his grief over hearing his father die over the phone and his mother’s screams and finding out he’s been murdered….idk like he’s acting human. he doesn’t want to hurt anyone else further and sees himself as nothing but a vessel of anger and desire for revenge (again…something i think they could and should touch on next season). he acted similarly in 3x11 after he and grace were used as weapons. and tk being the one to see this in him and carlos coming home to him afterward and talking it through brings the humanity back. i agree with the points being made in general (not just you anon) about him acting violently in the finale but i also cannot blame him because he is so shrouded in grief and i think we can give him some leeway for distancing himself from tk and not wanting to talk about things. that’ll likely be touched on next season. maybe i’ll be proven wrong and it won’t be but….idk. it’s just how i could give tk some leeway for wanting to steal fentanyl from his workplace after his mom died and not telling carlos or his dad the truth until he and his dad are literally potentially facing death in a depressurized airplane. grief acts in mysterious ways and grief is such a singular, personal experience that i can’t find myself upset about a lack of growth when the whole season he was acting out of responses to pre-show trauma and the end of the season he’s faced with such a brutality. just let them all take a nap in season 5 ajdnskdns