#i just. idk i like writing scenes where the trauma is still there and hurts

[carmenlikeme]

CHAPTER TWO: OH, WHAT A SIN!

COWBOY LIKE ME: A JACK ABBOT SERIES.

pairing: Jack Abbot x rescuer!reader

summary: After an unexpected storm hits Pittsburgh, the entire city stops. Floodings and destruction everywhere. Jack ends up trapped for two days at PTMC. When he's finally allowed to be outside, he ends up at the frontlines of the disaster, back to his MASH unit days. Abbot works right next to the rescuers, helping them stabilize patients before they reach the hospital. He meets an interesting person amongst the rescuers, and the magnetic pull is too hard to ignore. Will he give in?

OR

Where Jack Abbot meets an eccentric doctor in the middle of a catastrophe, and finds light in one of the darkest places imaginable.

genre: fem! reader (no physical descriptions) romance, slowburn (on paper, speedrun irl), hurt/comfort, breakup, happy ending (?), sprinkled comedy, idk what else, highly medically inaccurate, heavy dialogue for the first chapters.

wc: 2.6k words

warnings: age gap (reader is in her late 20s, jack late 40s), major natural disaster, medical trauma, PTSD, mentions of war and violent situations, graphic depiction of injuries, mentions of COVID and death. Will edit as I write more.

a/n: this is a short transition chapter compared to the next one, I just couldn't get past this scene without feeling stuck, I hope the next one is longer but I also hope u like what I got for u!! and yes, another nod to a song in the title!

you can find the masterlist HERE!

It took him almost twenty minutes to start talking about her to Robby, as soon as he got back from the disaster zone late at night.

They managed to take a couple of minutes for themselves on the roof, standing awkwardly as the huge puddles of water didn’t give them enough room to sit down anywhere. They wouldn’t have, even if they could. The air felt cold on their cheeks, the occasional mist soothing them. Grounding them.

“I met someone,” he whispered, his hands squeezed together. “One of the rescuers.”

Robby understood what he meant immediately. He tilted his head the same way he does when he can’t read the expression on one of his residents. Abbot didn’t look up from the ground; he couldn’t.

“She’s so reckless. I could barely do a physical on her,” he continued.

There was so much he wanted to say about her, but he couldn’t.

“It’s like…” he started, but fell short. “Like I couldn’t get away from her. We barely talked, and I can’t stop thinking about her.”

Finally, he looked up. Robby’s expression was tender, with a hint of amusement, but his lips seemed to hide something; he was holding back a laugh.

“Remember all those years you said love at first sight doesn’t exist?” he asked carefully. Anything more, and he’d burst out laughing. “I think that came to bite you in the ass.”

“Hey, when you met Collins, it was like the revival of Jane Austen. You can’t blame me for saying you were a little too crazy for her,” Jack said, playfully defensive.

Robby laughed and pushed him away.

“This isn’t the same.”

“You’re right, brother. It’s worse.”

“Thought you wouldn’t show up,” Abbot spoke up as he walked into the room.

He already had his gloves on as he approached the gurney, carefully. One hand held a hospital tablet; the other was hidden in his pocket. His steps were measured, as if he were stepping into a wild animal’s cage.

Maybe he was. He didn’t know at this point.

“What can I say? I keep my promises,” she smiled brightly at Jack, the same smile that had made him lose sleep less than twelve hours ago. “It’s not like I was threatened or something.”

“Threaten you? Who did that?” He put on his stethoscope, trying — and failing — to hide his mischievous grin.

She put the book to the side as he pressed the cold stethoscope to her chest. She was oddly still. He glanced at her as he focused. She already had her suit on, only zipped halfway. For some reason, he couldn’t stop looking at her boots. He found it awfully endearing how she always managed to sneak some pink into her daily life.

This time: the pink laces on her work boots.

“Oh, you know. A hot doctor, you probably know him. He said if I didn’t show up at seven in the morning, he’d hunt me down for sport or something.”

She stopped talking and took deep breaths. Jack moved the stethoscope slowly, like he didn’t want the moment to end.

When he didn’t move, she took another deep breath without question. Her eyes wandered as she tried to find something to focus on in the meantime, but all she got were several curious eyes on her from outside the room. She smiled and waved a hand at them.

Jack looked in her direction, not stopping the exam, which made all of them scurry away immediately, just from his gaze.

“Are you tormenting interns, Dr. Abbot?” she tried to laugh, but was interrupted by a slightly painful cough. “I didn’t think you were one of those attendings.”

“Those attendings? What does that mean?” he asked, a smirk showing up on his face, one that remained even when Mateo entered the room.

“Mateo will take your vitals. I’ll be back in a second.”

“Oh, you’re leaving me so early?” she complained.

Jack rolled his eyes as he stepped out of the room, nodding as he went.

He made sure to take his time as he walked toward the nurse station. Dana was in the middle, typing at the computer with determination. Behind her, Perlah and Princess shared a snack, their eyes now laser-focused on him. Robby stood behind them.

He almost turned back.

“Hey Dana, can I get a peak flow for South 15?” he asked.

Dana looked up over her glasses for a second and huffed.

“Sure. Want an EKG too? Maybe a stress test while we’re at it?”

Robby took off his glasses as he realized what the conversation was about and walked away. First, he took a quick peek at the room before looking back at Dana and Jack, who were still discussing hypothetical tests they could give the rescuer, afraid he’d get caught.

He opened the door as Mateo took her vitals.

“Abbot said he wants a CBC as well, please.” Mateo nodded. “How are we doing?”

“Did Dr. Abbot ditch me already?” she tilted her head slightly, looking behind him.

“I’m okay. I’d be better if I could leave.”

“Yeah, but we have to cover our bases before we let you out.”

Robby didn't put on his gloves — he already sensed Jack coming back to the room from a mile away.

And he was right. Just a few seconds later, Jack walked back in. He barely looked at Robby, who stepped back to allow him to continue the exam.

Jack didn’t speak; his hands traveled to the rescuer's neck to check it. Then, just like last time, his right hand held her chin.

“Open up,” he ordered.

She smirked and rolled her eyes.

“Now.”

“Is he always this bossy?” she asked, but obeyed immediately. 

Robby didn’t answer. Instead, he looked at Mateo with raised eyebrows. Mateo held back a laugh.

Abbot didn’t bother to notice them; he was solely focused on her. Even if he had, he wouldn’t have cared.

“He’s not usually this bossy. I think he’s just worried,” Robby finally said.

He watched as Mateo drew her blood, like a scaredy-cat ready to jump away at any second.

She barely noticed; her whole attention was on Jack, who was now checking her pupils and had moved down to her abdomen without question.

It was clear she couldn’t care less about anyone else in the room.

“Would you be willing to wait a little bit until we get your test results back?” He leaned in closer.

Subsequently, Robby and Mateo took a step back.

“Maybe let me put you on some oxygen while we’re at it?”

“You’re handsome, but don’t test your luck. I’m here to be cleared medically, and then I’m out. But I’ll visit you later, how does that sound?”

She pinched his scrubs, daring him to get closer.

“My crew is waiting outside, too.”

“Do you ever stop?” Jack squinted, his hands coming to her shoulders to lay her back on the gurney.

“Do you?” she asked back.

By that point, Mateo and Robby had managed to leave the room without anyone noticing. The conversation felt too intense for their liking. Robby was sure he wasn’t as shameless as Jack, even with Heather.

“Mateo, get back in there, we need intel!” Princess hissed, already pushing him back toward the room.

“No fucking way. They’re about to make out, no thanks.”

He wriggled free from Princess and made his way toward anywhere but there.

“You go if you want to.”

“Is it that bad?” Dana asked.

She took one look at Princess before handing her the peak flow meter. Someone had to do it. Might as well get some chisme out of it.

Princess happily walked toward Bay 6. Dana, on the other hand, looked at Robby, waiting for an answer.

“He told me about her all night, how he forgot to ask for her name before doing a physical. How amazing and young she was…”

Dana looked back at the room, the one Princess was now hurriedly leaving after only a few seconds inside.

“The last time he sounded so excited about something was when I got him that medical book from England.”

“So you’re telling me that after years of us setting him up with hundreds of women, a youngster rescuer is the one to get his attention?”

They looked at each other, amused. And then, they laughed.

You could call it ironic — or ridiculous — because it felt like both.

Robby and Dana forgot how many blind dates they’d set up, how many casual meetups they’d planned… and nothing ever happened.

Dana still had a few unread messages from friends asking if her cute coworker had asked about them.

He never did.

“Thanks, Dr. Abbot. I’ll see you around!”

The rescuer waved back at the exam room and walked away before anyone could answer. Her steps were quick but not hurried.

She stopped next to Robby, a bright smile on her face as she set her backpack down on the nurse station and pulled out two huge jars of instant coffee, placing them in front of him.

“I think this is yours,” she said. Robby blinked a couple of times, shifting his gaze between her and the jars.

“Jack said you asked for coffee. My crew and I got a donation, but we don’t drink much on the clock. Consider it a trade.”

“Trade for what?” Dana asked, snatching the jars before the rescuer could take them away.

“You got any nicotine gum packs?” she whispered, leaning in. Her eyes drifted toward Abbot, who stood still, watching her.

“You got it, kiddo. Two nicotine gum packs for two jars, deal?” Dana turned around before she could see the girl nod, but still took the packs and handed them over.

The rescuer hid them immediately in her suit, just as Jack walked toward them. She smiled and grabbed her backpack. Abbot looked at her suspiciously, then at Dana.

 “Oh, I haven’t introduced myself,” she said, offering her hand to Robby after saying her name. Then she did the same with Dana and Jack, a sly smile on her face. “Since you missed it last time, Dr. Abbot.”

“Michael Robinavitch. You can call me Robby,” he smiled.

“Dana Evans. Just call me Dana, kid.”

“You told me your name already, yesterday,” Jack said under his breath.

“Yeah, after you forgot to ask for it for about six hours,” she huffed.

 The girl leaned into the nurse station toward Dana, who leaned in, curious.

“Are you the charge nurse?” she whispered. Dana nodded once more. “Okay, I need to tell you something… alone.”

“She means get lost,” Dana snapped. Both doctors stepped away immediately.

“You didn’t hear it from me. And I mean it. But we got word that this hospital could become a staging zone now that they’re clearing paths and reaching neighborhoods. Right now… if I had to guess, we’re looking at around 400 living, and I’m lowballing it.”

Dana didn’t flinch; she nodded, looking intently at the girl. “You’d be the second point of triage after field stabilization. You’re appointed for immediate care and choose who gets rerouted after we clear everything else.”

“You got it, cap.” Dana nodded. “Anything else?”

“Yes, could you give me Dr. Abbot’s number?” she whispered. Dana hit her on the shoulder, softly but hard enough to make her laugh.

“Is that a no?”

“Legally, no. But if you come back later for your results, I might give him a five-minute break with you,” Dana suggested.

The girl smirked and took a step back. Robby and Jack took it as a sign to join the conversation again.

“Well, thank you so much. I have to get going,” she said, her walkie-talkie coming to life as if she had predicted it. “I’ll be back tonight!”

“I’ll be checking your lungs later today!” Jack yelled after her.

She turned around and waved with both hands as she disappeared.

“Something you need to tell us, Abbot?” Dana asked, walking around the nurse’s station to stand next to him.

“Like what?” he looked away. Dana and Robby shared a look.

“Like… giving special attention to a certain rescuer?” Robby leaned into Jack, who rolled his eyes and took a step back. “I’m just saying.”

“I can’t help people now?” Jack turned around, squinting as a laugh left his lips.

He walked away, still looking over his shoulder as he found something to get busy with.

“You think I can get him to admit he has a crush?” Robby quipped.

“No time for that. That girl just told me we won the grand prize of being the staging zone for Pittsburgh,” Dana whispered, loud enough for Robby to hear. “So, how much time do we have?”

“If we’re lucky, six hours. But if they’re already weighing options, I’d say about three.” Robby grabbed one of the phones and bit the inside of his cheek as he waited for an answer. “Hey, Gloria. We have a situation.”

Four hours and seventeen minutes later, the hospital was chaos.

Abbot made sure to wake every single member of his staff after discussing the course of action. This time, he was able to explain more about what would happen. The hospital was not a staging zone, which meant they were now in charge of triage and patient flow; who stays, who moves, who gets treatment, and who needs urgent medevac because of their limitations. It was a highly risky and stressful role.

He was sure his staff would rise to the occasion. But somehow, the stranger still lingered in his mind.

Still, he managed to set a sleep schedule good enough for everyone. So, when Shen woke up at 2 PM after sleeping a little too long, he almost forced Jack to take a nap.

This time, he did sleep. Exhaustion took over as his face hit the pillow of the surprisingly empty call room. He didn’t set an alarm, knowing that Shen could hold the hospital on his back and then some. But as his police scanner slowly picked up a signal again, he left it on, using it as white noise to keep him asleep.

Four hours later, he woke up like a new man. Any sense of doom inside him was gone. He finally ate the burrito he had taken from the Topos the day before, feeling like he could conquer the world again. He chewed slowly, trying to catch anything on the scanner, but nothing came up. Although the police were absolutely overwhelmed with problems, Jack knew they were most likely having conversations in person.

Begrudgingly, he made his way toward the emergency department again. He missed that brief moment upon waking when nothing worried him but the warmth of the bed and the comfort of a pillow. He blinked slowly; the fluorescent lights hurt his eyes every time he walked in. Robby was nowhere to be seen, nor was Dana.

Shen stood in the middle of the room, talking with Mary, their new night shift charge nurse. He looked up and threw a peace sign at Jack before turning around to check on a patient.

The ED was calm. As calm as it could be in a moment like that. He sneaked up to Mary, looking around as if he were smuggling drugs before opening a drawer and grabbing a fistful of Ferrero Rocher chocolates. Mary raised an eyebrow.

“Stealing now, Dr. Abbot?” she whispered. In exchange, he gave her one of the chocolates and stuffed the rest into his cargo pants.

“Shh. You cover for me, and I’ll ask Gloria if you can wear your pink scrubs,” he promised. She nodded eagerly.

“It’s a deal, then.”

“Oh, by the way,” she said, loosely pointing toward the ambulance bay. “That girl you mentioned last night is outside. She’s clear medically and explicitly asked not to see you.”

“Got it,” he whispered, grabbing his stethoscope. “I’ll be right back.”

“Of course you will.”

© CARMENLIKEME 2025. All rights reserved. Do not repost, modify or claim as yours.

[queenie-ofthe-void]

I've seen a few secret admirer Steddies going around where Steve's the one giving the notes (which I LOVE! I feel like those aren't as common)

But I headcanon Steve as having the worst handwriting. Therefore, I present platonic partners in crime CheerKing (is that right? Idk)

~~~

Under no conditions would Steve ask Carol to write the notes. But he's always liked Chrissy, and she seems trustworthy.

They strike up a deal. Chrissy will dictate Steve's notes and drop them in Eddie's locker herself. In return, Steve has to act as her fake-boyfriend to keep Jason at bay.

Then SHENANIGANS! Eddie gets feelings for Admirer, he sees Chrissy slip a note in his locker after Hellfire one evening. He's never had someone crush on him before, and he's straight (cue internalized homophobia, childhood trauma, big feelings for Steve he can't process) so he tries to convince himself he likes her.

The only problem is she's dating King Steve. Eddie hates the guy, with his stupid shiny hair and his big brown eyes and his moles and his smile... why does he get all the girls? Chrissy's the first girl to ever like him and of course Mr. Dreamy is dating her. They're not even clingy like he was with Wheeler so he probably doesn't even like her that much, just sees her as a rebound.

Eddie actually replies to the notes, leaving them in the library books Admirer tells him to. Steve knows Eddie likes Admirer, the pieces of Steve he shares in the notes, and it's the only way Steve gets to talk to him and he lives for it. But instead of Eddie asking who Admirer is, Steve watches as Eddie starts flirting with Chrissy. Steve gets all hurt and jealous because he thought Eddie was gay but now he's unsure. Still, he can't give up getting Eddie's replies, so he keeps writing.

Does Chrissy play along to keep Steve's secret even though this guy is crushing on her? Chrissy really likes Eddie, but she likes him as a friend. She decides to not tell him he's mistaken, because she wants to keep getting invites to band practice at Gareth's so she can spend more time with their cute friend Jeff.

Let's make it even more complicated! Instead of Tammy Thompson, Robin has a crush on Chrissy and sees her slip a note into Munson's locker on her way out of band practice and decides she's going to tell Steve to take him down a peg and hopefully breaks up with Chrissy. They then have a bathroom scene: she's been watching Steve and Chrissy for months and tells him how it's fucked up that he follows Eddie around, stares at him across the cafeteria, etc (she's saying it's bc Steve's jealous / Steve thinks she's calling him out). So he confesses, and cries. She feels like an asshat so she comes out too. They're just two gay idiots in love with straight people (only one of them is wrong. Sorry Robin!! Idk how to fix that part).

Steve starts coming with Chrissy to Hellfire night. Steve's doing it for protection from Jason, who's getting increasingly angry about Chrissy and Eddie. Eddie thinks Steve's being nice because he's sizing him up, trying to insert himself in between him and Chrissy in some macho way.

It all comes to a head when Jason catches Chrissy hanging with Jeff in the library (she's told Jeff EVERYTHING and is picking up Eddie's last reply). Jason hears them talking about Eddie planning to ask Chrissy out and decides to follow Eddie out to the quarry after school. Robin saw Jason pull out behind him and runs to tell Steve before he starts practice.

Steve rushes out and saves Eddie, then brings him home to patch him up. Eddie's pissy about it, Steve thinks it's adorable but frustrating. Jeff and Chrissy stop by the trailer when Eddie misses practice.

Eddie confesses his feelings to Chrissy, but she's holding hands with Jeff. Steve's forced to admit he's Admirer, sending Eddie head first into a sexuality crisis. But it's happy ever after so it's all good.

We get platonic hellcheer, platonic kingcheer (??), platonic stobin, Jeff x Chrissy (corrodedcheer??), and Steddie.

Idk there's something here but I don't want to write it lol Too many POVs and through lines for a person who already has a million WIPs.

[adamsrcnan]

honestly i think it's a little redundant to write any think pieces on what jean's endgame ship will be. it's going to be jerejean whether you like it or not. that's the story nora is writing. she said it herself when she announced it. this story is a love story but it's also a story about jean and his journey to recovery (and just because jeremy is the future love interest that doesn't diminish the importance kevin has on jean's life either. jean's feelings for kevin are very much still there but so is the betrayal and hurt of him leaving him in the nest. it's a very convoluted relationship of which we still don't know much about. only what jean has told us, so far. as the man who believes his feelings have not been reciprocated to the same degree, mind you. like, we still have two more books to go, one with more scenes with kevin in them where we will learn more.).

as for jeremy...lmao. have we not been talking about how little we know of him since the book dropped? and now all of a sudden people are claiming to know everything about him and decided he's no good? based on one book? and for some reason because he isn't handling his new traumatised teammate perfectly like a professional with a psychology degree he's somehow not right for jean? since when has anyone in this universe been perfect? or dealt with trauma professionally and perfectly?

do i think it's right that jeremy crossed some boundaries to get some answers about jean's past? no. do i think it's right that he overshared jean's truths to his friends without his permission? fuck no. but we're dealing with a whole different group of people here, most of which have not been traumatised to the level the foxes had been. who are not used to dealing with people like jean. jeremy has his own issues yet to be revealed, he clearly has problems standing up to his family (as seen with his sister), though he has no issue captaining his team (as seen with lucas) and it's suspect that he also doesn't think himself to be as great of a person as everyone else does given the sad look on his face when jean tells him he could never be anyone's villain. so idk why anyone thinks they know anything about him when he's so cagey in his own pov. and nowhere in that, may i add, has he ever implied he wants to "fix" jean. he wants to help him. he wants to give him reasons to enjoy his life now that he can i.e making him take that silly ceramics class for Fun. and given jean has had his whole life centred around exy (which he doesn't even enjoy anymore) i think it's actually very smart and helpful to get him doing things that "don't matter" so that he can learn from it and learn that he can actually live outside exy. that he can make mistakes and be imperfect at something and that's Okay.

at this moment in time in canon, kevin doesn't have that kind of mindset and it's probably because he was allowed the freedom to already pursue an interest outside of exy - his love of history. like are we missing the detail that he begged tetsuji to let him take that as his major and he actually allowed it? kevin, though still has a long way to go, still has something outside of exy he can hold onto and switch off from. jean doesn't have that and jeremy just so happens to come along and give him the option and for some reason that seems to get ignored. i think it's actually one of the most important things about their relationship so far. jeremy still makes all the accommodations jean needs - setting him up with class partners, taking him for a run when he needs to get out of his head, buying a bed to sleep in the room with him. but he also pushes back and insists jean try something to break him out of his unhealthy relationship with exy.

also, hello, jean literally admits to himself it's a Lie when he tells jeremy he doesn't want him to look if it's too much for him to deal with when jean is attacked by grayson. and jeremy refuses to look away. something everyone around jean has done since he was born, probably.

"Jeremy’s response was low but unhesitating: “I will not look away.” “I do not want you to look.” It frightened him how much it sounded like a lie, but he didn’t have time to dwell on it..."

jean appreciates when jeremy is so very obviously attracted to jean and openly staring, but doesn't press and removes himself from the situation if he thinks he may come on too strong.

"Threat assessment, he told himself, and it was almost the truth. He needed to see the easy way Jeremy ceded Jean’s space to him. Jean couldn’t remember the last time someone allowed him any boundaries, and the feeling was as novel as it was addicting."

hello???? that is literally jean himself telling us jeremy just allowed him a boundary. how does that get looked over?

also he's content enough with jeremy in his space that he feels safe enough to almost drift off

"In the quiet he could hear Jeremy breathing, and it was almost as comforting as the heat of another body this close to his. It thawed the parts of him the sun hadn’t reached despite soaking up its glare all day. Jean closed his eyes and let his thoughts drift far away. [...] This was the first time his room truly felt safe and right, and he was content to hold onto it for as long as he could."

mind you right after this jeremy presses that jean should have his own space and jean insists jeremy share with him and get his own bed. and let's not forget the obvious flirting that has jeremy immediately backtracking and telling jean to let him know if he ever makes him uncomfortable.

ALSO THIS

“Stop asking,” Jean said. “You only think you want these answers.”

jean may find it annoying and unfavourable that jeremy keeps pressing but idk i infer this to be more of jean not knowing how to handle someone actually giving a fuck about what was done to him when he was so used to everyone turning a blind eye.

finally (bc this is getting long) jeremy pushes himself into jean's space when he hugs him, and jean doesn't hug him back but he doesn't push him away either and jeremy is the one who has to wait for jean to let go of his shirt so he can move away.

"Jeremy heard the dismissal in it, but he waited for Jean to let go of his shirt before leaving the room."

i have made a post about this before but jean craves attention and affection, he wants to be loved and to be frank he fucking deserves it more than anyone else does.

i'll finish the post with one last line from jeremy's pov...

"...it wasn't his place to interfere with Jean's trauma or his healing."

jeremy isn't perfect, he's not meant to be.

[simpingcorner]

WRECK MY PLANS ONE

Pairings: Rafe Cameron x OC!Isla McCewan; kook!king x pogue Chapter warnings:  asshole kooks, English isn’t my first language, trauma(?), kids (idk my friends told me to put it as a tw), swear words, not proofread, let me know if I missed something. WC: 1.456 Disclaimer: All characters are aged up cus I don’t feel comfortable writing about teenagers romance and there’s some really strong themes on here.

All her life she’s known never to cross the big names of the island and all her life she’s been in the shadow, working her ass off everyday since she was a kid, never giving those big names any reason to know of her and, especially, never giving them any reason to get mad at her and have her as their rage target.

The air was different here than in the Cut, it felt better, lighter, it smelled like sea and home cooked meals, which wasn’t all that new but the lack of weed, gasoline and nicotine sure helped the fantasies that this was her life, this was where she lived, who she was and the three young kids running and laughing around her in the backyard filled her heart more than anything ever had before.

It’ll happen, you’ll have the life you deserve, just a few more months and you’re gonna be out of here, never looking back and never having to worry about any of them ever again. Those were the thoughts that lived rent free in her head, dreams and fantasies she deep down knew would never become reality, but what’s the hurt in imagining?

“Isla! Isla! Look what we can do.” The little dark haired boy giggled pushing his sister on the swing giving her the feeling of flying out and about in the sky, “Wow. You know if you push her even faster she might fly over to Bermudas.” She replied smiling at the kids, “I wanna go to Bermudas.” said the girl pouting. “I know you do Luce, mama will take you there one day. I promise.” “I’ll plan everything, and we go for Christmas what you say Luce?” shouted a voice from inside the house, “Gotta ask first Jamesie, you know we can’t just up and go to Bermudas.” “As if they could ever tell her no, come on Is, it’d be vacation for you too, not like mum can’t do it alone.” “What can’t I do alone, James?” the calming voice of Emily Lighthouse came sudden like a rainstorm in the fall to her ears, “Luce wants to go to the Bermudas…” explained the oldest, “And do you know what the Bermudas are baby?” asked the woman picking the still pouting little girl up from the swing. Isla hang back a few moments watching the older woman walk inside followed by her two loving boys, her heart hurt at the scene, her memory blank searching for a moment like that with her parents, a loving parent who’d go out their way to make sure she was safe. One day. As she walked in the house, she had now been working at for the past six years, she couldn’t help but let her eyes wonder around studying the luxury and money this side of the Island showed off like bread to birds. “Sweetheart I asked if you’d like to stay for dinner, I made way too much food for us four only.” Isla’s baby blue eyes widened at the woman’s words, not that it was unusual for her to spend the night at the house, there had been years when she spent more time there than at her own place, but something in her still warmed at the kind request, she knew the Lighthouses weren’t a normal Kook family, they were always nice to her, treating her basically like family, never ever doubting her even when the rest of Figure 8 would go out their way to make her the bad guy. “No, thank you. You enjoy it for me though. I actually have plans tonight.” The girl said quietly, “Well you’ll tell us all about your night another day then. But please take something home. And please be safe they say Agatha’s headed this way.” Isla’s cheeks warmed at the kind words of the rich woman in front of her, she reluctantly accepted the food, got her helmet and jacket and said her goodbyes before closing the door behind her and starting her walk out the neighbourhood.

“Going back to your tree house McCewan?” a deep, unfortunately too familiar voice said in the darkening sunset light, “Look, I’m just leaving, I don’t want any trouble.” said the girl with her head down and her eyes on the pavement, “Oh come on, not even a snarky comment? Where’s the Isla McCewan everyone’s always talking about?” “She’s tired and just wants to go home and sleeps, so can you let me pass.” “But where’s the fun in that then? You know you can always come to my place, it sure as fuck is safer than whatever shit hole you live in.” the brunette kook said walking way too close to the girl, finally caging her between him and the wall behind her, she knew she could have gotten out of there really easily, if there’s one good thing that came out of the Cut it’s knowing how to defend herself, but she was tired of having to defend herself and she knew no matter how bad things turned out to be it was always gonna be her fault, so she simply looked at him hoping he’d let her go with a sudden change of mind. What she didn’t expect was the Kook king to come up to them, “She’s not worth it Gold, trust me girls like her are not as fun as you’d think.” her eyes moved to meet Rafe Cameron’s dilated pupils and she knew he didn’t do it out of the good of his heart, the younger kook looked behind him and left them with a scoff, “One day McCewan, I assure you.” he said before going back in the garage he had came out of.

Isla picked her jacket, that had fallen off her grip and started making her way back to her bike, “Wow, not even a thank you. I knew you Pogues don’t have manners but that’s just low.” the older Kook said walking behind her, “Thank you your majesty Rafe Cameron I’ll make sure to offer you my biggest pig and cow to thank you properly.” she said not even looking behind at him, she simply couldn’t, she knew the rumors, she knew what was being said about him and she had promised herself never to go back there, not to that at least. “You really shouldn’t let that tongue run like that, you never know how people might react.” He said with a grip on her wrist, that wasn’t as tight as he’d wanted it to be, “Also you should really look at the person who’s talking to you, it’s very disrespectful not doing it.” she turned to him, his red eyes bored in her blue ones with something she had never been able to read, “Oh thank you Rafy, you’re my saviour I will never be able to thank you properly, please let me suck you off to show you how grateful I am.” Her words were laced with sarcasm and a poison he knew she only used for and with him, “Come on Cameron go back to your underground bunker and cuddle up on daddy’s lap, I’m sure he wouldn’t want his precious baby out here in such dangerous weather.” his jaw twitched and clenched for a second, “At least I have a dad who cares about me and my safety.” “Keep telling yourself that, maybe it’ll become true.” she said getting out of his grip and finally making it to her bike, once her helmet was on, visor down and the bike had started she let her mind wonder and her throat felt full of thorns as she left Figure 8, Rafe Cameron watching her from afar holding on that conversation.

The lights were out in the little black and grey shed she had to call home, she had left her bike at the Flores’ gate not to make a noise and not to be seen, she opened the door praying whatever god was watching that the house was empty, her heart and breathing the only noises in the house as she walked and closed the door behind her, the room was the same as she had left, mouldy black walls, broken pieces of a dresser and lamps were scattered on the floor, the broken and way too hard yoga mat and her baby blanket the only place where she could sleep. She laid on the mat pulling the blanket over her legs as she stared at the ceiling, a few of her old glow in the dark stars still stand between a mould stain and the other, she watched them, memories of her childhood came to mind as she fell asleep surrounded by the creaks and raindrops noises.

divider from @enchanthings

[reine-uls]

I read your new CA chapter. I like how you potrayed Douma as still being confused with his emotions and not understanding what he's exactly feeling. I really appreciate how you potray and write Douma, because it's really difficult finding somebody who understands Douma's character as well as you do. Also since i haven't been here in AGES.. i read some of your posts just to check up on you. Sorry hear about how your discord server is dead >_> i have a few recommendations for helping it maybe?

1. Maybe try friending more fans or beta readers and invite them to your server. Adding new people makes them more active, it also encourages people to talk in there. If you can't keep all your dms open, don't worry, there's a button where you can view all your friends.

2. Start making server events. Server events keep the people engaged. The most common events i see are gamenights, vc calls and fanart competitions. IDK how to make events since I don't own any servers, so i recommend looking it up on youtube.

3. Try chatting more often in your server. People joined cause of you and your works, so try sending random stuff in there to spark a conversation with some people. No idea how dead your server is, so this tip is a hit or miss :p

Your server might just be dead because you've just been on hiatus. Maybe now that you've been active and online, it'll slowly get it's audience back. I also don't know if you're already doing my tips or not, so sorry if they're useless and just a waste. I hope you feel better too! Just know we're not just here for your works, we're also here for you. And it hurts me and your fans seeing you in such a condition. Feel better ❤️

thank you ^^ Writing Douma is truly hard for me because he's actually a character the story did not explore much when he gained emotions in his final chapter in manga. It was more like a teaser. So trying to emulate that tiny scene when he canonically fell in love is hard, and we barely know Douma other than his likes, hobbies, powers, and backstory. Basically every scene ive written him is just pure fanon speculation. obviously haha. a bunch of headcanons molded together. In a nutshell, Douma having feelings is confusing, almost like a mental illness-- it makes no sense. writing his narrative is so interesting and challenging. every chapter it changes and changes until you're left confused what is his goal, but to say it suffice, he just loves you and wants you in every way possible. thats all i can say for now. from what i gathered though, a lot of readers love cold affections was because ive portrayed douma close to canon even in the eyes of "fanon filter" i think? (i made that up). perhaps close to "lore accuracy" and character study. also thank you for you discord tips. ive just returned in march, as ive posted a couple of fics now and posted the discord link everywhere. having unlimited access. there are newcomers however barely said hi. im just waiting for them to warm up? whats active rn is the beta readers channel, seldom though. since there has been some work going on. and i just reopened beta reader applications because i have a side project for cold affections which is rewrite. im planning to do it while in vc to monitor how everyone works together. and orientate them the writing style of the fic. but that depends if that can be conceive.

I can try events but im not much of an event person since im not a good host and idk. one i could think at the top of my head is fanfic reading? a vc group call when everyone can read the latest chapter? that sounds dumb i might scratch it. i could yap but often in every social aspect of my life ive been ignored. so i kind of have trauma not to engage a convo in a group of people from now on. i could try. your ideas could work. but the problem is me. im not good at stuff like that unless someone guides me haha

[bobbydagen24]

tbh I'm still Hoping Chef will be Brought back in the next film as it could be Hella emotional and also further explore some Good old fashioned Branch angst which the Trolls writers seem to love 😭😭

I know I've talked about this before but eh I wanna talk about it some more lol as I'm in love with the story potential of Chef coming back.

have fans Done any fics or fanart of the idea? idk I'll have to go check once I'm Done writing this post lol.

but yeah I Hope this does happen cause there's so much potential here for an emotional story involving Branch and his Bros coming face to face with her.

in the first movie its always struck me as a little Disappointing that Chef being the one who killed Branch's Grandmother was never mentioned in present day

I know logically neither Chef or Branch himself would Remember since Branch was only a little kid who saw her for a split second and for Chef it was just a normal day at work.

but from a writing standpoint I Do find it Disappointing more wasn't done with this in the first movie.

I feel her coming back in the next film could work especially well if it takes place not too much time after TBT so the film could still explore some left over issues in the family

plus some more Branch angst that the writers love showing lol.

I'd probably have the movie open with something like Branch his Brothers and Grandma all sat around having Dinner happily chatting away and whatnot only for a hand to come crashing in Grabbing Grandma away

as Branch can only Helplessly watch and then his Bros all start blaming him saying why wasn't he more carful and why did he let it happen

with Floyd especially telling him that he promised him he would take care of her and then the Brothers all walk out for good while Chef's laughter can be heard in the background and Branch is just sat on his own and he looks down at his hand and sees he's turning Grey.

and then Chef's Hand comes back in and Grabs him and he's screaming for help only to see there's no one around that cares and

Branch struggles to try and break free but its Hopeless and Chef just laughs and is about to put Branch in her mouth.

only for him to then wake up in his Bed in a panicked sweat and we see him telling himself to breath feeling his chest and trying to calm himself down

making it clear this is far from the first time this has happened and he already knows what to do in these situations.

FR I like the idea of the movie opening with an angsty nightmare scene for Branch showing his still lingering Trauma in present day.

Both over his perceived failure and guilt over what happened to Grandma not to mention his Brothers leaving again and of course a Fear of Chef herself

not only for killing Grandma but also how close she came to killing him in the first movie.

so opening the movie showing some still lingering Trauma that maybe he Refuses to open up to his Brothers about because he's afraid they may blame him for Grandma's death

like he did himself for all those years and maybe they'd leave again I feel would be neat way to start the film where Chef comes back imo.

especially if the whole movie or at the very least just the climax was about Poppy and the Brothers needing to save Branch

after he's captured maybe after a family argument and he goes off on his own only to get snatched by Chef.

as the whole family coming together to save him from Chef the source of his Greatest Trauma like come on that'd be emotional as Hell 😭😭😭😭

also I do just really wanna see Branch actually confront Chef over Grandma like maybe when he's captured he finally angrily confronts her over it only for Chef to casually Dismiss him

stating she doesn't Remember that day or her at all Hurting Branch at his core since that day obviously has stuck with him for his whole life and changed who he was

but for her it wasn't special it was just a Regular Tuesday.

and of course in the end it'd be satisfying and sweet to see Poppy and Brozone Rescuing Branch and maybe for Chef's comeuppance in the end

I kinda like the idea that Due to some chemicals or magic crap that she'd been messing around with as part of her Grander plan she ends up being shrunken down

to the point she's actually smaller than a Troll like lets say the size of Tiny Diamond so she's basically Rendered Harmless to the Trolls and she tries to attack the main characters

but Brozone just playfully pick her up and toss her back and fourth and in the end they just throw her in a cage with Branch somewhat smugly

Remarking something along the lines of him not being able to believe he was ever afraid of her

with Chef looking a little pissed off to say the least 😂😂😂😂

kinda well and truly confronting the source of his nightmares and feeling a little better about himself as a Result

and also I'd end the film with him finally sitting down with his Brothers and talking more about Grandma

as he finally feels more comfortable about opening up to them about these kinds of things now.

so yeah fingers crossed Chef comes back it wouldn't be too Hard to explain maybe she landed on the cooker inside the creature's Belly and used her knife kit to climb her way out or forced the creature to throw her up or something.

the why's and how's don't really matter too much to me I just think she'd be a perfect Returning Villain for a future film given the significance she has to Brozone as a family and Branch himself.

since she basically made him who he is.

also if Chef is Revealed to be alive in movie cannon then hey it'd be a perfect chance to Bring Creek back in movie cannon as well 😂😂😂😂

be it as a Villain or a Redeemed character who warns pop Village about Chef's plans after overhearing them

maybe he hid inside her Hair so he could hitch a Ride out of the mountain creature lol and afterwards he hides in their for a while and

overhears Chef recruit some henchmen maybe some Bergens who still believe in the old ways and want her to overthrow Gristle JR

and he hears her plans and after waiting for her to fall asleep he sneaks out and runs back to the Village tho he had no idea where they were so it takes him months and months to find his way back lol

which could be how our main characters find out she's alive and planning something and thus kicks off the whole story.

just an idea as Chef coming back does make it very easy to bring Creek back as well 😁😁😁😁

I was thinking that my only problem with this story idea is that it doesn't Really give much for Poppy in Terms of character Development in this story

but maybe if Creek did Return then Poppy's mini side arc could be her learning to give him another chance after being less than Receptive to him returning

and not wanting to give him another chance despite claiming he's sorry and clearly wanting a chance to make amends hence why he came to them with this info

but we see Poppy struggle more with her own ideals of believing people can change and giving out second chances when its someone who she was Emotionally Hurt by Personally

so yeah maybe that could be a mini arc for her if the film did bring Creek back as well.

what do you think about the idea of Chef and Creek Returning in future?

[walkingnearfoxes]

Trope Rating Game

Rules: How much do these tropes affect your decision to click on a fic?

-10 -> very dissuaded

0 - don’t care either way

+10 -> very enticed

nope -> if it’s a hard no and you’d never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you’d insta click out of the fic if it wasn’t tagged. Bonus points for explaining the rating and whether it’s conditional.

Tagged by the lovely @hom3landr

Age gap: +9 or -10000

OKAY SO if it's anything where I smell a hint of grooming or it involves a minor, nope nope nope nope. Even college-level is a bit iffy for me. BUT if it is post-college and there was no relationship underage...yeah I kinda eat that shit up.

Codependency: +5

Ironic considering I write like only Homelander fics but take it or leave it? It can be there but it's not why I'm clicking on the fic.

Obsession/Possessiveness, jealousy: +8

In real life, this makes me rage. In the fictional world...gimme please. The only reason it isn't higher is something about the "you're mine" dialogue gives me cringe (have I still written it?...yeah...)

Opposites (grumpy/sunshine etc): +7

Alexa play "Wouldn't Change a Thing" from Camp Rock 2

Enemies to lovers, Enemies with benefits: +9

GIMME ALL THAT TENSION. Also that is how most of my Homelander canons operate.

Friends with benefits: +4

Maybe it's my own trauma from real life but...meh lol.

Sex to feelings: +5

lol SEE ABOVE.

Fake dating/relationship: +9

Give me any situation where Homelander is forcing someone to date him and I eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I sincerely don't know why.

Friends to lovers: +4

*has internal crisis over why "friends with benefits" and "friends to lovers" sounds the same to me *

Found Family: +10

GIMME!! Scenes with them celebrating holidays together? Enjoying domestic normalcy for the true happiness it brings? JOY!!

Hurt/Comfort: +1000

EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE PLZ GIMME.

Love Triangle: +3

I've seen some fics do this extremely well but to back up @hom3landr, just make them poly.

Poly, open relationships: +9

I haven't seen very many of these and would be SO curious about them, especially in the Boys universe. If anyone has recs, please send!!

Mistaken/hidden identity: +2

Can't say it calls to me?

Monsterfucking: +10

...anyone got any good Vander fics? Just asking for science.

Pregnancy: +4

If it's not the central storyline, then yes. I'd love to see this explored alongside Annie January and handled with the tact Kripke is incapable of with writing women. Justice for Becca.

Second Chance: +9

...damn it I love them. Soldier Boy second chances are a particular soft spot for me.

Slowburn: +8

I'm a fan of a medium burn personally. I love the tension but also where's the smut.

Soulmates: +1

idk they can get too cheesy for me? I'm 100% sure they have been done beautifully but I'm not particularly drawn.

You! If you're reading this and want to be tagged, I tag YOU!

[deripmaver]

Casca Spits On Your Grave

I was gonna write up a whole long post about what I want Casca's ending to be, what I think is likely based on canon up to now and some of the themes Miura has developed, and look at some endings I've seen people discuss and give my thoughts on them - and then I got lazy LOL.

Plus I realized what I really wanted to discuss is just, as the title suggests, whether I want Casca to have her whole badass revenge arc where she takes out all of the demons and apostles who assaulted her and killed her friends one by one in a show of bloody vengeance, ending with her as Judith beheading Griffith's Holofernes, etc etc etc.

The short answer is yeah duh LOL. Casca goes from a brilliant and capable mercenary commander to a traumatized shell of a person who is terrified of all men, even the ones that she'd known and trusted prior to the Eclipse. In her dreamscape, the horror of what she faced is finally explicitly shown from her point of view - the penis monsters and the feelings of revulsion they produce in her little sprite indicating the terror of repeated assaults and attempted assaults. It's blunt to the point of being over the top but I mean... It gets the point across.

Then, of course, the climactic moment in the corridor of dreams where you see the eclipse rape literally through her eyes. It's incredibly rare to see rape scenes presented that way, in that first person POV, and going from that directly to the image of Casca shattering into pieces makes me tear up even to this day.

Side note lol I probably didn't need to describe the corridor of dreams chapters but I genuinely can't help myself, I love them so much.

In those chapters and the later ones where Casca has her PTSD flashbacks, she remembers all of the beloved memories of the people she loved and is made catatonic again when she remembers she lost them. The corridor of dreams makes it clear that it was Griffith's rape specifically that shattered her. Losing all of the Hawks, being betrayed by Griffith - of course she should get revenge on the monsters that did that to her. One by one she should destroy them, letting them taste just a fraction of what they put her through. Not to mention she was in her regressed state for so long I know I'm not the only one itching for her to fight again.

Here's the "but" though. Or maybe it's more of an "and" idk if any of y'all have done improv LMFAO. Yes and.

I think part of the appeal of rape revenge is that it gives the catharsis of seeing rapists punished violently in a world where they rarely face justice at all. However, what a lot of these movies miss, because this truth is far more uncomfortable and unpalatable, is that the scars of trauma remain even after vengeance is fulfilled. This is especially true if the perpetrator is someone the victim knew, as is the case for Casca. There's the focus on justice and catharsis and violent revenge because in a lot of ways it's easier to stomach that than it is to stomach the how utterly shattering it is to be betrayed so thoroughly.

It's uncomfortable to see Casca the commander reduced to Elaine. It's uncomfortable to see her helpless and terrified and reduced to trembling and sobbing in front of a reborn Griffith as the reader is reminded, just for a moment, of who did this to her. It's uncomfortable that even after her mind is restored that she can't even think of Griffith without going completely catatonic, that she grips Farnese's hand in terror as she sleeps because the trauma is still literal thorns around her heart, continuing to hurt her.

You know what? I think this is objectively good writing. There's no revenge. There's no becoming stronger. There's just grief and betrayal and Casca's broken heart. .........the fact that it took literally 20 years to restore her mind and that Miura included like half a dozen attempted rape scenes of her in her infantilized state is uh, not objectively good writing.

There's a fine line when it comes to writing rape trauma, though, and if Casca stays completely broken and unable to heal that starts leaning into the opposite end of harmful tropes. That's why I do think she should find the strength to fight back and get revenge for herself and her fallen comrades and kill Griffith. However, I can't help but think there's a desire for her to stop appearing so outwardly traumatized and start taking revenge because trauma is uncomfortable to read. Every moment she's on page she reminds you of how deeply Griffith betrayed her. At some point it becomes nearly unbearable.

Miura's grasp of writing trauma is kind of a mixed bag, but one thing he is clearly aware of is how its effects are lingering, and how it informs how someone interacts with the world. This is true in how he writes Guts in the Wounds chapter, and also how he writes Guts after the Eclipse regressing into violence and vengeance because of his trauma. Guts only begins his journey to process the trauma of the Eclipse when he reconnects with Rickert, and then later Casca, and then later accepts companions again. This leads me to believe that this lingering trauma response from Casca isn't an example of him not knowing how to write trauma, or women, but is a deliberate choice and not one I feel the need to critique.

Casca should become a fighter again, and she should start to genuinely heal and, as Miura said, face up to what Griffith and the demons did - but at the end of the day what happened to her is soul-crushing. She should also continue to show the lingering effects of it, and she should get to lean on the communities of women she's cultivated, and she should get to have moments where she's terrified and overwhelmed with trauma - no matter how uncomfortable it is to read. When it comes to depictions of rape and rape trauma, I genuinely think that will be on the whole more holistic than having her just getting revenge.

It'll be really satisfying seeing her kill some apostles though I'm ngl. Hopefully we'll get there eventually LOL

[windexiled]

Sorry you've probably been asked b4.

feel free to not answer if you did already

But what makes you like her so much? I mean, ofc she's been not invited cs meany people there, in the story & i learn more on her through Maleficent live action, which made me fall in love with her, oh such a diva, but on the original... ahm, idk, was she betrayed by the king??

This really makes me want to rewatch it...

No, Original Maleficent wasn't betrayed by anyone in the animated movie. She was just offended by the King and Queen not inviting her to a big event (even tho I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want to go there if being invited because she doesn't like crowds), but it's the fact of not being invited there that made her want revenge on the King and Queen. She even gave them an opportunity of apologising but they refused to do it (it was the moment she said she was going to leave if they didn't like her presence and the Queen asked if she was offended), so she took the chance to punish them through the Princess. I'm also sure she chose the baby to drive her plan because she wanted to inflict as much pain as possible using time, so the suffering lasted more (she could've killed the baby in front of them that same day). I simply prefer to refuse all her lore related to the live action because I don't feel she's the same character. She doesn't act as Maleficent would. She even sabotaged herself when casting the curse on Aurora in the Live Action (The curse will last forever, no power on Earth can change it). Maleficent would NEVER do anything that could turn against herself (I still think she lost in the animated movie just because she had to, not because she made any mistakes, because it's said in the movie itself that the powers of the three Good Fairies combined couldn't rival Maleficent's powers and Flora alone just enchants Philip's sword and wins). I love this character so much because she represents pure Evil, a thing that's lacking these days in modern animation. That's being replaced by some trauma or treason by other characters so they can justify the villain's actions. I don't like that, I don't need to see why a character likes acting in a certain way. Original Maleficent doesn't obey anyone and doesn't bother about others. She only cares for herself and her deeds and preferences. She is what she wants to be and always acts her way. She never rushes anywhere (look at her movements when she's calmed, like the scene where she visits Philip in the dungeon), and also the curse scene. She's so elegant. She speaks like a high member of the society, decorating her speeches as much as possible (she doesn't answer using yes or no, for example). She's Evil because she LIKES being Evil, not because other beings harmed her or betrayed her, and that's what I love the most about her personality, and she ENJOYS hurting others and taking revenge when people offend or insult her. I hope this explanation works for you. I love writing about hyperfixations anytime xD

[leosabi]

for the f/o ask game: 🌼🪻 🍀 :]

—gelatinous-globster

lmfao i'm so late to answer these (T_T) thank you for sending an ask though!!! @gelatinous-globster

🌼Is there an official confession scene between the two of them?

yes! the only posted version i have of it is very old and no longer totally accurate, but it's here if you want to read something written by a leo who was still a teenager ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i think it's cringe but that's also just because i'm looking at my past self when i look at it. that's my current active ao3 account as well btw, i have some other leosabi oneshots up but lately i've been writing sonic stuff. also proud of the clone wars/bad batch stuff that's on there

for a summary, it takes place directly after aunt cass goes out. my self insert is out biking during the events of the episode and is knocked off his bike by a stray buddy guard. he breaks his arm. in swoops superhero wasabi--and this is when i find out, for the first time, about his secret identity. after getting my arm set i make a joke like "i could just kiss you right now" wrt him saving me and bringing me to the hospital. wasabi brushes it off as meds and tiredness and whatever.

next morning, i try to apologize for the joke, saying that it's weird and i should not have said it

and wasabi blurts out that he doesn't think it would be weird. if we kissed.

:)

🍀 Do You have any other scenes in mind? Angsty, Tender, Funny, Etc.

i have a lot of angst i've written that'll never be posted, because it's about personal trauma stuff lol. i think some of it i'd like to share and i'm just nervous about peoples' reactions. a lot of it is really vague and i don't mind people knowing i just don't want them to view me differently or be awkward when discussing the written work, y'know? but yeah. a lot of trauma angst

i have a fic i'm working on--perpetually, apparently, because i've had this in mind for YEARS--about momakase kidnapping my self insert a la fan friction

i also have an idea for a whole fan season of bh6 involving a villain inspired by hatsune miku, and my self insert would be there because i honestly can't imagine writing bh6 fic that i'm not in. it all just feels so real to me (^_^;;) but yeah that's another idea i've had for years and the main thing stopping me is that i never wrote a full fic about what leosabi is doing during bh6 season 2. but honestly i should just go for it

i would also love to write more hurt/comfort where wasabi is the hurt one and i'm the one comforting him. ocd, injuries from being a superhero, maybe even grief over tadashi. i feel like i really haven't explored that stuff as much as i want to other than in lengthy discord conversations from a few years back.

🪻Wild Card!!! Info dump about anything!!

i can't see this emoji on desktop, i have no idea what that is lmfao

ANYWAY i don't bring this up enough, but my self insert is a livestreamer. not like, the top guy on twitch or anything, but he is a livestreamer with a following large enough to pay half the bills and has friends from around the world he plays games with.

when i first conceptualized this they were a team of overwatch players, but i'm still so mad about overwatch 2 that now we play fortnite or mario kart or cozy games or something idk

wasabi very much avoids being in my streams, especially showing his face, because he's worried about his identity getting leaked. but sometimes you'll hear his voice off camera and the chat will go wild about "lemursabi"

this, however, results in a huge risk whenever i'm seen with wasabi in his superhero armor in public. the wrong person snaps a picture and i get identified as this particular streamer and then people try and doxx me to find out who chop chop is :p i have fic ideas for that, too, but it seems like...A Lot. i do love the ideas of tabloids being in love with us tho. obviously since it's tabloids we're talking about, it's, like, derogatory, but it's probably really funny to read things and point out everything they got blatantly wrong about you

[maebyshifting]

https://www.tumblr.com/maebyshifting/731759296824688641/lets-talk-about-scripting-and-trauma

i remember being a baby shifter and scripting insanely traumatic experiences because i still hadn’t fully grasped the authenticity of shifting - it felt so unreal so i treated as if it was unreal!

safe to say i’ve grown up and realised how fucked up it is to put myself through such situations

as a writer as well as a shifter i really was treating my drs as if they were some fan fiction like you said!!

and yeah, part of me still wants to live out those scenes i’ve scripted but it’s not a healthy experience to desire

so instead this is what i’ve done (and i’m telling you because i kinda want your opinion?? <3) :

in my waiting room, i’ve scripted “green rooms” sort of like he green door’s from the show The Good Place - if you don’t know what they are, the characters just need to think of a location and they open this giant sparkly green door and they’ve arrive at said location (side note: that could be a great shifting method hihi). anyway, i figured i could live out my fan-fiction-come-to-life dream by going into a green room where i’m basically acting out the character but as a show(?) kind of. like, i know i can’t get hurt or die in these situations and i have the ability to “pause” the situation of required. and additionally, aside from that, in my waiting room i can just watch the reality as a show.

like for example, i had an arrowverse dr (specifically the flash) which i treated like a fan fiction before i realised how messed up and traumatic it was. but i didn’t want to let it go because my dr-self had become like an oc who’s story fit very well into the arrowverse reality. so instead, i’ve scripted it to be a show that i can watch in my wr - the arrowverse (+ my oc/ex-dr-self)

idk if any of what i just said made and i’m sorry if it was confusing in any way but if you’re willing, i’d love to hear your thoughts!

i think those are great ideas! i think for many scripting can kinda feel like a fanfic so we start to write like it is one, if that makes sense.

ofc other shifters have opinions about trauma, but based on the stories of other shifters of how it has affected them i really do believe it’s better to be safe than sorry!

also the green rooms idea would kinda be good to use in a lucid dreaming method! or used as a new method as well i think those are all really good ideas :)

[psychologeek]

So I have a new fic. Shocking, I know.

(Yes, I'm still late with 2 assignments. Any help with writing the letter to the professor is welcome. explaining I can't stay awake more than an hour for the last weeks is hard.)

It's inspired by @byrambles fic "another mirror".

Explanations+thoughts+side notes under "read more"

Summary:

Damian is sitting on the cot in the containment cell when the world ends.

"You will be facing charges in twelve hours," says the older version of his brother. "By the Justice League court.”

...

Of legacy, family, and Learned Helplessness.

(How do you push forward when your reasons are gone?)

It's kinda dark. Which is very understandable, as I wrote it when I was very hurt and suicidal. (I'm better now. But I now it happens).

Thoughts and notes from the writing process below-v

Tevya: wait, I just realized Dami thinks THE OTHERS ARE DEAD.

Me: I don't know if he thinks they are dead, but they are surely lost for him - so might as well be dead. (For extra angst: Something about Object Permanence, and knowing things doesn't disappear just bc u can't see it. Another thing about separation anxiety and how, for Dami, it's a well learned lesson that if he doesn't see someone, if he doesn't keep an eye on them, they are probably dead)

D

About Trauma, PTSD and cPTSD (as I see it). About Dami's inner monologue/broken sentences.

Some things just doesn't have words. PTSD is The unspoken break, the fractured paragraph in one's story. cPTSD is a swollen book, one that fell into the sink and only some of the words can be recognised. You may have a full chapter, or a several words, or some pages are so badly destroyed you fear even looking at them. And even after, even after you dried that book and put it in a safe place - Those pages will always be heavy, and broken, and wounded. This book will always be different than the others.

(But it's still worth it)

About the scene with Dami prepare for his death:

So, I'm not Muslim - I'm Jewish.

But this scene is heavily inspired by the many, many people we lost during the holocaust. Not just for death, but also from the group. They were lost to our people, our nation, for ever, and so are their descendants.

One of the most told stories I remember being told as a kid, is one of a Rabbi who went looking in every orphanage and Monastery, And whnever he was told "we don't have any Jewish kids here" he asked them to bring in all the kids. Then he said "Shma Israel" (a prayer, one of the simplest, many people use to say it also at bed before going to sleep). Every kid who put a hand on their eyes, he was like - yes, they are Jewish.

And it's small. But I also think of all those who WEREN'T found .

Idk.

I have a lot of feelings about culture and groups.

About Tim& Dami's escape+Alfred's death:

In my head, Dami tried to die once when he was about 9-10, and Alfred found him. They made sort of agreement, so Dami promised he'll take care of himself, and Alf promise they'll escape. In my head, a short while after Tim was taken they were meant to escape. Was it only enough for two people? Or did Alfred stayed back to cover them? Idk. But the results is this: Dami and Tim escaped and caught up after about a week. (Did B killed Alfie? Did he make Dami do that as part of his punishment? Did Alfie killed himself, so he won't tell where they are? Trader's choice.)

[etherealnoir]

YESSSSS on Found making me dislike Gabi. Honestly I’m more indifferent to her but still. I love a morally grey (Annalise 4ever!) or even straight up nasty black woman character but one with complexity and depth. She’s underwritten and underdeveloped and completely caricature. Strong Black Woman to the max and it sucks. Trauma can be debilitating and obviously she isn’t handling it right but she’s written as totally unyielding and never jokes (if she does it’s fleeting) or opens up or has anyone close. I know why but the way they portray her personality is unconvincing. A black woman bestie her age would help but who would she go to? I don’t think it’s an issue of skill because the others are well rounded (excluding Lacey who is an extra and Dhan who they only let be the muscle). I wonder how much input Shanola has in terms of her character because sometimes actors ideas can be for the worse lol. But why she would want Gabi written so thinly and corny I don’t know. I don’t even buy that she cares for ‘her people’ more like she likes having them around to validate her. Found family they are not. Maybe if the show was strictly about cases and she was the tough boss I would get it but with the current premise it just doesn’t make sense. Gabi doesn’t even feel real.

EDIT: Even in her scenes with Sir, she'll like do something objectively awful to him (but still not as awful as what he did). Then she'll immediately take it back by the end of the episode with some declaration about how she's not like him and she's a good person blah blah blah. Like...look bitch. If you busted his kneecaps, nobody would blame you. If these writers are too cowardly to let Gabi get revenge, then don't write this premise idk.

--

I disagree on the point that Dhan isn't fully-rounded. Gabi asking him to kill Sir for her made me mad at her purely because we've seen over the course of the season how much Dhan has struggled with his own trauma. While he doesn't seem to mind using physical force to solve problems (which is another issue all on its own tbh), there are some lines he just won't cross. She knows this. She disregarded this.

And even she knows that he was held captive for three (3!!!) whole years. And obviously he wouldn't be okay with her holding Hugh captive. So it was wild of her to act like he was in the wrong for being angry/hurt.

But circling back to the Gabi issue, the writers are afraid to make her the bad guy.

Like they don't want a Black Woman to be a terrible person, so everything she does is justifiable in some way and the characters are likely to forgive her pretty quickly. I've never liked characters where everybody just loved them and was loyal to them for no real discernable reason. And that's what Gabi is giving. It feels like someone's self-insert character, and it annoys me.

It would be nice to see her put some of her PR background to use outside of press conferences. Like IDK...it'd be nice to see her actually do research, but that usually goes to Zeke. We could see her analyze behavior and motive, but that goes to Margaret. When things are a little to hard, she just defers to Sir. So it's like...what does GABI do? She's passionate, but it all feels surface level.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

okay i don’t want to sound like a hater because that scene with kauri was beautifully written and like his trauma response + fucked up coping was so so real

but i guess i’m wondering if you feel there’s a difference in how different characters are “allowed” to feel and respond to things within their relationship dynamics . like, sure antoni gets mad at kauri, but minutes afterward when jake walks in he’s already forgiven kauri and they spend the whole conversation talking about how to make kauri apologizing easier on kauri. it just makes me sad and makes me feel like antoni isn’t allowed to fall apart in the same way kauri is because he’s thinking about how he’s affecting kauri, but kauri doesn’t have the same concern for him.

or, he may have it, but he still drives unsafely with chris in the car, actively scared of him/his driving, out to a bar to take drugs and get drunk, and the thought of how it will affect his husbands doesn’t stop him. where i feel like antoni and jake would never do the same type thing to him or each other, you know? they wouldn’t indulge their worst impulses because they just don’t get to let themselves go to that degree because they’re aware of the people who love them and the people who rely on them.

idk if all that makes sense, but it just made me a lil sad cuz as much as i love hurt kauri this specific storyline makes me feel protective of antoni and the way as soon as he rationally can, he’s shaping his trauma response to be as gentle as possible on kauri, and kauri doesn’t or can’t do the same for him :(

You are not incorrect, Anon. And I did try to write Kauri being more understanding but it wasn't true to how he would react in the immediate moment. I had to let Kauri take his fear and pain to its logical conclusion. Just like Antoni went to his - trying not to think about himself at all, instead turning it around into caring about someone else. They're both handling this terribly, in their own very different ways. Antoni's looks better from the outside because it seems selfless, but they're each committing a kind of self-harm. Antoni by pulling into himself and Kauri by making it his own fault and proof he is fundamentally not worth loving.

I don't think it is about allowance, so much as two men having very different trauma responses. Like, Kauri isn't more sympathetic here. He is arguably far less sympathetic, because he really did take Antoni's pain and make it all about him. And Antoni was right to realize he wasn't able to deal with that and end the conversation until he has some time to think.

Kauri does have the same concern but he can't access it through the very self-focused pain and shame he feels right now. I should note that Kauri is ALWAYS a terrible driver and being upset only worsened it like 20%.

A huge difference between Jake and Antoni and Kauri is actually... impulse control in general. Kauri's emotions overtake his sense of logic. His impulses drive him to do stupid shit first and realize he did stupid shit later, and he doesn't really have a voice inside him that speaks up about it until it's too late. Jake and Antoni don't struggle with that to that level. Antoni actually has the opposite problem. He basically never lets impulse carry him even when it would help.

I think, when I have the time and inspiration to write when Antoni and Kauri talk next, you'll see how they actually can complement each other when things get tough, they just have to each come out of their respective trauma responses enough to do so.

[youanilovefandoms]

Rejoining Tumblr to share my thoughts on the Red White and Royal Blue movie

- I miss June

- Miguel who tf do you think you are you will never be Liam

- HE WILL NEVER BE LUNA

- Why are they still married???? Like it’s okay but a minor detail they could have left in

- The turkey scene confused my dog( it doesn’t hit the same but I also kinda like how they did it)

- RELEASE THE DIRECTORS CUT HE SAOD THERE ARE HOURS OF CONTENT THEY HAD TO CUT

- PEZ very happy he made the film

- Henry is me in social settings

- Miss Alexs original sexuality crisis cuz it was a true bisexual disaster moment

- Alex ready with music playing what a man

- Henry looked too composed post the first time they did sexy things

- Also where was “fucking eyelashes”

- Alex saying I’m bisexual for the first time is me

- “We just have to keep it very causal” and “I just can’t afford for you to fall in love with me” LIKE YOU DONT LOVE HIM ALREADY

- “I don’t know how to play polo” this is the moment Henry realised Alex is a Himbo

- I miss the polo dialogue, like that was iconic to me

- “HE IS” that’s it

- I too want to know the other famous lads he has shagged

- My mum wants to add that they are not subtle

- Give my guy Henry therapy like a fuck ton of it

- Also like let him hide on a private island and live the gay fantasy he deserves

- What happened to Wimbledon

- The Paris scene (before the do) was so sweet and cute and just everything like it was casual, fun and just everything I personally would have wanted when first having this experience (not that I did :()

- They’re in love your honour it is not casual

- Give both these men therapy please

- I am a miguel hater

- Alex loves politics but more importantly he loves his mum

- HENRYS EMAIL MADE THE CUT (not all of it but it made the cut)

- The letter quotes were pivotal for me in the books and the film without them is weird. Like I’m still really enjoying it but just miss it

- I HATE MIGUEL

- I wish Bea had more screen time she’s an icon

- “No” HE WAS SO QUICK AND CERTAIN. THAT MAN IS IN LOVE

- WHERES THE POWERPOINT

- “The B is not silent” please I needed that said on a big screen

- Stop calling my guy Pez Percy, it feels so wrong

- I’m happy the karaoke scene partially made it, wasn’t the same vibe but I’m happy it made it nonetheless

- My mums words “oh my god he’s catching feelings”

- Henry looks so scared whilst Alex pours his heart out :(

- Henry under the water and swimming away :( I would like to write an essay on those 30 seconds

- HENRY I WISH YOU WERE ALLOWED TO BE HAPPY AND IN LOVE THE WHOLE TOME

- Where was Alexs screams outside the palace gates! It needed to be more dramatic

- “Tell me to leave” “don’t make me” sobbing

- Henry is a history nerd and if that isn’t the gay agenda idk what is

- “And we’d dance” Alex said quick let me whip out my phone

- HISTORY HUH

- My mum “He gave him his ring! HE GAVE HIM HIS KEY!”

- Henry’s face after being outed and not being allowed to contact Alex was so painful

- My guy was traumatised and had no real support and both him and Alex were left to face the trauma without each other

- WE HATE MIGUEL I STUDIED JOURNALISM TOO MIGUEL AND YOURE A TWAT

- Also hate Phillip ( wasn’t in the film much but the message stands)

- Trying to explain outing to my mum when my sister lowkey outed me is painful and hurtful

- The phone call 😭😭😭meeting halfway on the stairs 😭😭😭

- STEPHAN FRY he came, he served what he needed to serve and he would have hated this homophobe

- My mum “why did the give Phillip an Evil haircut” me “Phillip is homophobic he deserved to bald”

- The parallel between their first tv interview and them talking with the king

- Is there a chance the king is gay and he had to hide it???? Or is he just like that

- THE PUBLIC SUPPORT

- My mum during the publics pride parade “get out on that balcony, get rid of your title and be happy”

- Mum was very happy he got on the balcony

- Mum was also very concerned where the secret service was everytime they snuck around

- Is it a perfect movie? No Is it everything I wanted? No but almost Do I love it? 100000%

[chevelleneech]

Why Eddie should NOT also have encephalitis.

One, it’d be excruciatingly lazy writing. We went through an entire episode of Chim suffering virus as he battled his inner demons, and Kenneth carried the fuck out of every scene. Having Eddie go through the exact same thing, just in a more drawn out way would be so… disrespectful, from a storytelling perspective. Because why not give that time to the character who establishes the virus being an issue in the first place?

As well, no matter what anyone says, Eddie is white Latino, so it’d also feel odd to me that they glossed over an Asian man getting a nice weighty plot line about grief and fear, just to give it to the same white man who has spent five seasons dealing with grief and trauma. Now, this isn’t me saying Eddie has to be over his issue already, but giving them the same virus yet giving Eddie a multi-ep arc over Chimney would be shitty.

Therefore, I think Eddie simply needs to be written as finally hitting rock bottom. Yes, we’ve seen him spiral and we’ve seen him broken down emotionally, but we haven’t seen him reach such a low point of self-sabotage. Whether Kim is meant to be Shannon’s doppelgänger or just a woman he is projecting her physicality on to, doesn’t matter. What matters is Eddie has reached a point on his grief and understanding of self, that he’s (if written well) lost control of his ability to process his feelings.

He likes Marisol before finding out she was a nun, and he’s clearly forcing himself to remain in a relationship with her, but being uncertain about her doesn’t give him permission to cheat. At the same time, I am very curious if he’s going to cheat at all.

It’s very possible Eddie met up with Kim to find out if Shannon has a li g lost twin or other family as we know sometimes cousins can be identical too. He could also tell Kim flat out that he lost his wife and she looks like him and he asked her out in an effort to see if she’d give him the closure he never got. Which would be very strange, but not out of the realm of possibility given again, he is likely not in control of how his grief is manifesting and he’s lost control of how to process it.

As well, if he does cheat, the same things apply. Eddie is looking for closure where he has no business being, and it’s not going to end well, I don’t think. For one, he lied to Buck and Marisol about it, so whether or not he cheats, I think they’ll both be hurt.

Marisol, obviously because he possibly cheats on her after freaking out about her past, but also he’s seeing his dead wife (look-a-like or projected) and that’s a difficult reality to swallow, when there’s so much grief and unsaid things left on the table.

Buck, because he believes Eddie to be his Person. They claim to go to each other with all their problems and trust each other implicitly, so imagine him finding out his best friend is in so much distress and grief still, that he couldn’t tell him he’s essentially seeing his dead wife. And if he does cheat, it becomes an issue that Eddie is spiraling so hard, he’s made Buck an unwilling accomplice in hurting Marisol after already telling Buck he isn’t sure about her. So it’s a matter of Buck having to figure out if Eddie is actually grief stricken or if he’s just using that to cheat, because Buck already knows he wanted to breakup with Marisol.

Regardless, there’s a lot of potential story here that would make so much sense, and I hope they do it well. This season has been so rocky with what feels like basically zero follow-through, so I’m not optimistic. Perhaps they’ll tie Eddie’s trauma into Bobby’s in order to do a cliffhanger? Idk, but if it’s just a cheating arc to get rid of Marisol, I’ll be disappointed.